


Misunderstandings

by Annalay



Series: It takes time [1]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Romance, hurt comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-28 13:34:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10105208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annalay/pseuds/Annalay
Summary: Cassian and Jyn are trying to find their way through the rebellion and their feelings for each other. A collection of short stories of how many misunderstandings, half sayings and long glances these two needed to endure before they could act on their feelings.





	1. Being hurt is diffrent

**Author's Note:**

> I’m just having fun… this is a series of short stories under one title Misunderstandings and they are a prequel to ‘Rather Be Me’. There are some stories that just won’t leave me alone...

**#1**

**Being hurt is different…**

Everything hurts but it’s good. It’s this kind of pain that Jyn likes and is accustomed to. Physical pain has been her close friend since forever. All her training was mostly pain, blood and bruises and she prefers this kind of pain to that feeling she often has lately in close proximity to  a certain captain.

Physical pain is bliss… only when she doesn’t have to stand up and walk.

Yesterday training session with Chirrut is having a toll on her. She knew she didn’t have to put a good fight, it was purely for educational purposes, but then Cassian happened to be at the training session and Jyn was distracted. That distraction cost her greatly.

Now she can’t walk without her mussels screaming at her with hot white pain. She’s sure she has bruises in places she forgot that even existed. Chirrut is a good teacher for the young cadets, but very demanding sparring partner. It’s true that she volunteered to help, having nothing better to do between missions. But right, now walking down the white tunnel of Echo Base she’s having painful second thoughts.

Finally she comes to the mess and grabs some colorful mush for breakfast. Jyn slumps heavily on the chair opposites Bodhi at the far corner.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asks, his eyes concerned.

“Everything hurts.” She informs him in a painful tone not really looking into his eyes.

“I was told you have sparred with Chirrut.” Bodhi is trying to sound lightly but falling miserably his tone more of a pity.

“It was more like being beaten up…” Jyn mumbles to herself, not really interested in the food in front of her. Deep down she knows it’s her fault. She shouldn’t be so pride and just for once step down when she was challenged.

“It isn’t very Chirrut’s” Bodhi starts and Jyn just looks at him and the look she is sending him makes him stop talking.

“I know,” Jyn speaks her voice stern. She may as well as tell the truth, or half of the truth. ”It was more Cassian's fault.”

Speaking of the devil, Cassian chooses this very moment to sit down beside Jyn, putting his tray on the table with one hand and his other  hand casually brushing Jyn’s shoulder like almost every morning at breakfast. It’s their way of touching and not touching, a game they’ve been playing ever since Scarif. But today his touch pains her in all of this word meaning. (Every other day his hand only burns her skin and Jyn is fighting the urge to gasp.)

But not today. Today of all days the physical pain overpowers all other scenes and Jyn groans painfully at his touch.

“What’s wrong?” Cassian asks retrieving his hand. The look in his eyes tells Jyn that he’s actually concerned, and she finds it oddly sweet and infuriating at same the time.

“It hurts.” She mumbles not looking at him but staring down at her bowl. What’s wrong with breakfasts here, Jyn is thinking distracting herself from Cassian's eyes. Every day there is another pulp or mush that is served as rich protein breakfast and everyday it tastes the same... as wet paper.

“What happened?” Cassian asks looking intently at Jyn.

“It’s all your fault.” She finally answers and she sends him a dirty look, but his brown eyes makes her soften her gaze.

“My fault?” Cassian asks dumbfounded.

“Who was at yesterday's training season? Who teased me into, and I quote, even the chances with Chirrut?” Jyn says accusingly pinning him with her eyes. Cassian can see a growing bruise at her left cheek and he just can’t stop staring at it.

“It was a joke, you didn't have to...” Cassian starts to explain more to himself that to Jyn. He knew that he acted stupidly yesterday, mocking her in front of the new cadet group. He shouldn't have, he had known better to challenge Jyn. And now she’s supporting a massive bruise at her cheek, and there could be more on her body. No, stop! He forces his train of thought to halt. He won’t go there...he forbids himself to think about Jyn's body even if it comes to bruises.

“Of course I had to, I need them to listen to me and you weren't helping.” Jyn says angrily putting her fork down with too much force and splashing some of the rainbow much on the table.

“Does someone tell me what did happen?” Bodhi finally asks totally confused looking between Cassian and Jyn.

“He blindfolded me” Jyn spats finally.

“I didn't,” Cassian defends himself fast. ”You did it yourself, I only suggested it wasn't a fair fight and if I remember correctly it was your students who decided to even the chances. I've never suggested that it is you who needed to be even.” Cassian explains patiently sounding more like making excuses. Jyn looks at him a mixture of anger and pain in her eyes.

“Great, now you think I can't fight.” The hurt in Jyn's voice is clearly heard to both men at the table.

“This conversation is going nowhere.” Cassian somehow feels angry and guilty at the same time. Now he knows that he screwed up royal yesterday, but he would never say that at loud. Not now.

“I couldn't agree more” Jyn huffs glaring darkly at him.

“Jyn, you know that I think you’re one of the most capable hand to hand combat fighters I have ever met, and it was me who suggested you train new cadets in the first place...” Cassian makes a final attempt at explaining himself. To be honest to himself, he doesn’t know what made him say all the things he said yesterday. And he regretted it the moment Jyn hit the training mat the first time. He had good intention, to make her laugh but the plan backfired badly and now he has to pay for that.

“If so, why did you say that?” Jyn asks finally and Cassian doesn’t have a good answer to it.

“It supposed to be a joke.” He mutters defensively, it’s the truth but even Cassian can hear how lame it sounds right now.

“Well, it was a really poor one.” Jyn finally says. She storms form her chair trying hard not to wince at her sore muscles. She knows at the back of her head that he meant well. It was partly her fault that she didn't turn it as an actual joke. Maybe she could laugh it all and send Cassian instead herself. She was capable of turning it against him. She didn't have to suggest blindfolds and all the show. It was her kriffing pride and the fact that she still feels insecure around her fellow rebel friends. But thinking it was Cassian's fault it is just easier.

Jyn is almost running at this point and suddenly collides with a solid form of a handsome man.

“Sorry,” He speaks quickly but then Jyn smiles.

“Kyle, you are back.”

“Oh, my favorite rebel girl is here, what's the rush” Kyle is smiling at her, his absolutely disarming smile, and she just can't believe that he is also an Intelligent officer and one of Cassian's only friend around here. They are so different from each other she wonders briefly.

“Nothing, a lot things to do.” She answers but then she sees as Kyle’s eyes are narrowing eying her left cheek.

“You know that you have a splendid red bruise down on your cheek, who am I going to kill, unless Cassian's already done it?” Kyle asks his voice concerned. He raises his hand as to touch her cheek but thinks differently and just looks into her eyes.

“You can actually start with him.” Jyn answers quickly, too quickly, because she knows that right now Kyle will actively search for Cassian and well, he will talk first with him, but she is afraid what will come next.

“Jyn?” He asks in disbelieve, as much as he likes her, Kyle has known Cassian since they were sixteen.

“No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t let him get under my skin” She speaks honestly and only then she understands half the words she just said. For the first time she is grateful she has a red bruise covering half of her cheek because she is almost sure she’s blushing furiously.

“If you ask me, it’s a bit too late.” Kyle answers with a wide smile but his concern still flashing in his eyes.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Jyn says sounding defensive and hating herself for that.

“Sure you don't.” Kyle only laughs more. “But to more pressing matters. I will find him and kill him.”

“You don’t have to.” She stops him with her words. She doesn’t need Kyle to get involved in the middle of her tangled and complicated relations with Cassian. Because they are tangled and complicated to the enormous size.

“It will be my pleasure.” Kyle says lightly and Jyn knows he’s joking, but still she isn’t very convinced about the reckless Corelian behavior.

“Hey Kyle how was your mission?” Jyn asks just when he is walking away.

“Boring and too long, but mostly boring.” He smiles at her his eyes twinkle with mischief and Jyn knows why she likes him. Jyn smiles back and walks away. She likes Kyle, she has liked him ever since they met the first night at the mess, after she was released from the med bay.  It was Cassian who introduced Kyle to her and Bodhi, and he might use word _friend_ when he was doing that. She was so surprised that Cassian actually called someone a friend except K2. And Kyle was a nice surprise. He was Corelian with all the easiness and outgoings of this kind. And if you would ask any female members of the Alliance quite handsome one. What was most surprising was the fact that expect Cassian’s strong accent those two could be brothers. Same dark unruly hair, same piercing brown eyes but they have totally different characters. Cassian’s strict and proper behavior was clearly temper down by Kyle’s ability to make fun from everything. Those two could laugh for hours and to be honest Jyn didn’t hear more beautiful sound in the galaxy than Cassian’s laughter.

Going round the corner Jyn is greeted by Chirrut with his usual double meanings.

“You are hurt and in pain, Jyn.” Chirrut informs her without as much as greeting and Jyn is almost sure he is smirking at her as long as Guardians of the Whills could smirk.

“Funny I have always thought it is one and the same condition.” Jyn answers him trying not to sound angry.

“I can find a solution for your pain, but with hurt you have to seek solution at its source.” Chirrut is still smiling this all knowing smiles of his, and it makes her angry and uncomfortable at the same time.

“Which is?” Jyn doesn’t really want to hear the answer but she still asks.

“I think you know.” He answers and Jyn is finding this conversation more difficult than the one at breakfast. She’s almost sure Chirrut knows all her thoughts concerning certain captain and not all of those thoughts are clouded with anger. There’re complex and unresolved feelings deep inside her that she only recently started to discovered and she doesn’t know if she likes those thought.

“You are just afraid to admit it to yourself.” Then again Chirrut’s words stir something inside her, something that she feels only when Cassian is near her, in that space that is neither polite nor close enough to be improper. The times when he stares at her from across the ship as if she was the only person on the deck or the times when their hands brush casually when going through some plans and they both just stop not really wanting to retrieve their hands. This hot and tingling feeling in her stomach whenever he’s just a little too close, as she could stand at her tiptoes and just grab him by his shirt…STOP THAT JYN.

“You know Chirrut I may reconsider a rematch.” She speaks lightly or she thinks she does.

“Good, choose your partner wisely Jyn Erso.” With that sentence Chirrut bows his head and leaves her fuming with anger and confusion. 

 

She’s still in a lot of pain when she enters her room to prepare for afternoon training. They aren’t  scheduled for a mission in the next couple of days so Jyn decided to keep her busy with new training scenarios.

She looks down at her datapad and for once she’s happy its strategic analyses. She can’t imagine going on the training mate today, it will be long and painful day. She perches at her bed coy, pulling her legs to her chest, and starts reading. She can still feel all her pulled muscles and bruises, she bites her lips not to groan in pain. Maybe she should go to madbay has her back checked. She shakes her head, she has been worse, it’s just bruises. She distracts herself with some data and training scenario for the next training season.

She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting trying to focus on the schematic of a building they supposed to invade at the training when she hears a soft knock on her door. She knows who is standing there, every nerve in her body tells her that, so she doesn’t need to check.

“Just come in.” She says not really wanting to get up. Her door slides open and Cassian walks in. He takes only one step inside and Jyn can tell that he’s feeling apologetic not really looking at her. She looks at him and for a second she’s ready to forgive him everything, so he would come closer forced her to move aside and they would argue about the non-existent mission for the next hour. Cassian makes another tentative step towards her and Jyn makes a room for him on the bed an unspoken invitation which Cassian gladly accepts.

“I would go through the roof from the east side of the wall, it’s the safest to climb.” He speaks after just looking at the chart and Jyn smiles. She was thinking the same thing. She makes a mental note to put some traps there for the cades in the afternoon session. Cassian is leaning over her shoulder, his breath tickling her neck his shoulder pressed to hers. They’ve done it thousand times before, the leaning, the hovering in each other personal space when reading and planning. Jyn has always read the entire mission briefing over his shoulder leaning over his pilot seat, it was never a thing between them. Or maybe it was… she has only recently discovered what Cassian’s proximity is doing to her. Suddenly she discovered she has shivers down her spine whenever he as much as stand too close to her. And let’s be honest the standing in each other personal space is a common thing between them. It’s  started before Scarif, but ever since the-almost-die-in-your-arm situation it is almost at daily basis.

She shouldn’t be so tense; she shouldn’t be feeling each nerve in her body. And definitely she needs to take a grip over her raging heart because that stupid organ is trying to escape her ribcage. It’s just Cassian, she forces herself to think and I’m still angry at him. Exactly, it is Cassian… and he is kriffingly close…

“You want something? Or did you just come to help me?” Jyn says she is trying to sound angry but it’s hurt that is heard in her voice.

Cassian just looks at her and pulls back. He can see that she’s still angry at him and he understands her.

“No, I come bearing peace offerings and a retribution.” He says a small smile playing at his mouth.

Oh, his mouth another long story for Jyn’s imagination. Lately she started dreaming about that mouth of his. Those mouth who he uses to shout at her after some reckless behavior on missions until they both panting with anger. But lately her imagination tells her totally different story of those mouth and their use. Jyn shakes her head trying to gather her thought. _What is wrong with me?_

“Peace offerings?” She asks her voice little shaken. She hates herself right now; she needs to focus before she will do something extremely stupid.

Cassian pulls a portable med pack he was holding in his hand on his laps and conjures an ice pack from inside. Without as much as warring he puts the bag to her bruised cheek. Jyn inhales deeply, her yes becoming wider more with shock of his touch than from the pain and cold. But Cassian looks frightened. “Sorry, didn’t mean to hurt…”Cassian takes the bag from her cheek more on instinct. But Jyn doesn’t feel pain, is more like a burning mark on her cheek where his hand was seconds before.

“It’s nothing.” She mumbles. “Just cold.” She lies at him without blinking, and Cassian tentatively puts the bag back to her cheek. Without thinking Jyn reaches and puts her hand on his holding the bag. The time stops. Jyn is staring in Cassian’s darkening eyes and she is melting. She feels hot, actually scalding hot, for the first time she’s been in this frozen rebel base. They just look at each other neither taking theirs hand. Cassian’s hand is warm and callused and just perfect. He smiles a soft smile at her and Jyn thinks she can actually melt the ice pack they are holding. He’s watching her as he’s trying to say something and Jyn holds her breath… and then her datapad beeps. A short pricing sound makes them startled and come to their senses. Jyn looks at the offending device trying very hard not to feel disappointed.

Jyn lets go of his hand.

“No hold it.” Cassian says fast. “I have more.” Cassian pulls her hand back at the ice pack and Jyn has to remember how to breathe. But Cassian is busy rummaging through the med pack he brought with him and Jyn has time to compose herself and looks at the datapad.

 It is just a massage: A _fternoon training season has been postponed at 18 00, additional flying training is planed due to good weather condition on Hoth._

“It looks like there’re actually good weather conditions on this planet once on every three months” Jyn comments and Cassian laughs short and sweet. Jyn looks at him and she’s thinking hard _what is wrong with me?_ She needs to stop lying to herself that she doesn’t know what is this. She perfectly knows that she has developed feelings for that dark haired, smoldering eyes captain but she will definitely not act upon them. Not until she knows there is a chance…of what? Happily ever after in the middle of the war with the Empire? _Good luck, Erso_ she thinks darkly and lowers her gaze form Cassian tucking her feeling deep inside.

“I have a painkiller patch gel on your shoulder.” Cassian starts saying “because I know you wouldn’t go to the medbay.”

“You bet I wouldn’t “She answers stubbornly. Cassian only smiles.

“I can fix it if you want?” Cassian offers and Jyn eyes him because she’s almost sure she could hear a note of insecurity in his voice. But at the thought of his hands at her back, her back without clothes on, she is practically having a heart attack once again.

“No I can do it myself.” She speaks hastily, it is too fast and Cassian sends her a quizzical look. Jyn is almost sure he can hear her heart beating loudly against her chest. But Cassian only hands her the patch.

“Sure you do,” he isn’t looking at her and it’s calming and frustrating her at the same time. Does he notice how nervous she is? But Cassian is searching something in his jacket’s pockets. ” And since you decided to storm away from breakfast…” Cassian is holding a handful of nutri bars in his hand and Jyn is just overwhelmed by his kindness. She couldn’t remember the last time someone was actually kind to her without having any agenda.

“And the retribution?” She only just remembered that he was saying something like that when he walked in.

“I’m to volunteer to have my ass kicked the next training season.” Cassian speaks shyly not looking at her but the corners of his mouth are twitching as holding a smile. Jyn is wondering absent-mindly what would be to kiss him just then and there. Would the galaxy come crashing down on her if she had try this?

“Saying who?” She asks him because she knows who is behind all of this.

“Me...” Cassian answers, but then he lower his gaze and fidgets with the empty box “...and a combined effect of Kyle, Bodhi and Baze’s harassments.”

She laughs at loud, she knew that the moment he said something about ‘volunteer’. She can’t still believe that she has friends here. Friends who will stand up for her. It’s completely new to her and almost as scary as the warm and fuzzy feelings he developed for Cassian.

“One condition.” She says still smiling at him.

“Anything you want.” Cassian answers and Jyn just can’t stop herself thinking how much a double meaning are his words. In a different situation this statement would have such a different answer. But she just shakes her head refusing her thoughts to go that line.

“It will be a fair fight.” Jyn informs him.

“You want me blindfolded?” Cassian asks his eyes shining with laughter. It is a beautiful sight.

“No, I want you to not hold back.” Cassian is looking at her as he doesn’t understand what she just said. As if he’s thinking about the words in totally different context, his eyes dark and searching and only that makes Jyn blush furiously. She is so happy that she has the ice pack covering her cheek because the flush would be clearly visible. But moment later Cassian only shakes his head confused, and then the plain face of the intelligence officer is back and his expression composed.

“It will be a fair fight.” He states and gets up from the cot.

“Good” Jyn says her voice little out of breath. She has to get a grip over herself soon.

“Good.” He answers and heads for the door. “But Jyn, holding back is what I know best.” There is something dark and unexpected in his eyes before he leaves her room and Jyn is left to wonder if only just imagine those things in his eyes.    


	2. Seeing red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a misunderstanding, but Cassian still wants to kill that guy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know what is wrong with me seriously, those stories just won’t leave me alone I got flashes of stories during work and ..I think it is a mental condition.  
> I love this one it was really fun to write it.

 

**#2 Seeing red**

“Now, I regret I separated you two, you should have killed him.” Kyle said darkly looking at Cassian from across the table in a dark corner of a mess. They were both siting at the table where Kyle almost dragged Cassian from Draven's office minutes ago.

“Yeah, but thanks anyway, it was hard enough in Draven's office without being charged of manslaughter.” Cassian answered and touched his jaw where a massive red bruise was starting to grow.

“Cassian you need to do something about this, she’s gotten under your skin...” Kyle started but seeing as his friend flinched he didn’t finish.

“I don’t know what are you talking about. “ Cassian said quickly avoiding Kyle’s doubtful eyes.

“Jyn...” Kyle said pointedly.

“I know Kyle, but...” Cassian huffed him, he looked at Kyle letting him known that he wouldn’t be talking about this now...or preferably ever.

“No, it's Jyn.” Kyle looked pointedly at the mess door. Cassian turned around so fast that his head snapped. There was indeed Jyn coming towards them caring a cup of caf in her hand.

“Not a word about all of this.” Cassian warned his friend.

“You sure? She is a smart girl.” Kyle started because for him it was clearly visible that Jyn would know something had happened the moment she looked at Cassian's face.

“She would kill him, and probably more effectively than me.” Cassian said darkly, but with a hint of smile in his tone.

“Good point.” Kyle agreed and smiled into his cup of caf.

Jyn came to their table and sit next to Cassian. He was thinking fast of how much of his previous activates were shown on his face.

“What're you up to?” Jyn asked looking at Kyle. She didn’t know him long but that look at his mischievous but handsome Corelian face was never a good sign... for someone.

“Hi to you to Jyn.” Kyle answered smirking and when she didn’t say anything else he added.” I for once had nothing to do with this.”

“With what?” Jyn asked confused looking between Cassian and Kyle. And then back to Cassian her eyes going wide.

“Cassian what'd happened?” She exclaimed reaching, and without thinking, touching a big bruise at the side of his jaw. The cut on his lip was fresh and Jyn knew there was nothing like that on his handsome face during breakfast.

She knew that because she was staring at his handsome features more than she was actually eating that morning.

Cassian winced at her touch, but his eyes sparkled with something and Jyn's heart missed a beat.

“Ow, it hurts.” Cassian spoke and regretted that the minute Jyn's hand left his face.

“What'd happened?” Jyn asked again looking between Kyle and him, and Cassian was thinking frantically what he was supposed to tell her.

“It was a misunderstanding during briefing.” Cassian mumbled not really looking at her. Jyn looked at Kyle her eyes demanding answers.

“Don’t look at me I weren’t there.” Kyle answered darkly his tone angry and regretful. “But now I wish I were.” Cassian pinned him with a stern glare sending him a shut up look and Kyle stopped talking. Jyn looked between Cassian and Kyle but they both kept their mouth shut.

“Ok, I will go and bring some ice on this and then I need more information” Jyn informed them standing up and walking away. Cassian only looked at Kyle and gritted his teeth.

 

Jyn was back too fast for Cassian's liking, he still didn't know how he would tell her half of the things from the morning briefing, not to mention all of it. She sit down next to him and before he had a chance to stop her she put the ice bag, she retrieved from base kitchen, to his bruised jaw. Cassian hissed audibly from pain, but more from the contact of her fingers on his skin. _I need to stop that, get a grip over yourself Andor,_ he was thinking hard staring into her eyes. Kyle was purposely averting his eyes suddenly very preoccupied with his cup of caf.

“Will someone tell me what'd happened?” Jyn asked one more time still holding the bag to Cassian's face, her eyes darting between Cassian and Kyle.

But at this very moment Prost Varick chose that moment to pass by their table a murderous look on his face and a massive bruise on his left cheek. He looked pointedly at Cassian.

“Yes, Andor, there is definitely nothing between you two.” He snorted and before Cassian had a chance to react Varick walked away.

Couple of things happened at the same time. Jyn raised her brown surprised and put down the ice bag from Cassian's face. Cassian groaned with frustration trying very hard not to shake with anger and Kyle was half up from his chair muttering.” I'm going to kill him.”

“Kyle.” Growled Cassian what successfully stopped his friend from fulfilling his promise. Kyle sit down on his chair again and just stared darkly at Varick's back.

“What was that all about?” Jyn asked still looking at the back of Varick walking form.

Cassian gently took the ice bag from her hand and put back on his face. He wished to disappear from the face of that frozen planet right now, he really didn’t want to explain the whole situation to Jyn.

Finally Kyle started to speak.

…

**_Two hours earlier,_ **

**_Draven's office_ **

**_1000 CGT_ **

“...the extraction was impossible due to heavy fire and a compromised position.” Cassian was finishing his report from the last mission.

“Thank you captain Andor, you are free to go, you have frothy eight hours till the next mission.” Draven informed him looking at some datapad.

“Thank you, sir.” Cassian saluted and was about to leave.

“Dismiss, and ask captain Varick to enter.” Draven put down the datapad and looked semi interested for the next report.

Cassian closed the door to Draven's office and looked relief. He was sure the debriefing would be more difficult since the mission was a failure...maybe Draven had a good day today. He dismissed that thought; there were no good days in Draven's office.

He looked up to see captain Varick waiting next to the door.

“Captain Varick.” He acknowledged his fellow officer, Prost Varick was an only a year younger than Cassian blond hair and blue eyes tall man with...probably a pleasant smile. “You are next.” Cassian informed him.

“Captain Andor.” Prost saluted Cassian carelessly and stepped forward. “And by the way Cassian, since I see you, could you share a secret how did you get to Erso's pants because seriously it takes talent.”

Cassian froze; he could swear that his blood boiled under his skin.

“I don’t know what you talking about.” He sputtered forcing himself not to lash at Varick.

“Don’t tell me you two don’t do it, she is too hot not to have…” Varick had never finished that sentence when Cassian’s fist collided with his face. He swayed and before Cassian managed to fully comprehend what he just did Varick hit him square in his jaw. Then something switched in Cassian’s brain and he lashed at his fellow officer aiming at his stomach. Varick bent in half and Cassian was about to kick his ass to the ground when a pair of strong arms grabbed him from behind.

“Cassian what in the name of Hutt’s spit are you doing.” It was Kyle who grabbed Cassian in a strong grip.

It was Kyle’s well known voice that brought Cassian to his senses. He was panting from his range and the fight, his lower lip swollen and bleeding. He looked positively furious.

“”I’m going to kill him…” Cassian growled under his breath but allowed Kyle to haul him further from Varick.

“What is going on here?” Draven’s voice sobered Cassian from his anger.

“Sarettii, Andor, Varick, my office now!” Draven barked.

“I didn’t do anything.” Kyle muttered darkly but followed dutifully after Cassian.

When Draven closed the door to his office with a loud bang Cassian understood he was in deep trouble.

“Explain.” Draven spoke irately.

“Varick and Cassian exchanged a dark look both eyed each other who would speak first and what was going to be said. After a long pause Varick opened his mouth.

“It was a misunderstanding.” Varick offered, he was still glowing darkly at Cassian, but he knew better to start the same conversation in front of Draven.

“Exactly, a misunderstanding.” Cassian agreed, stressing the last word and whipping blood from the corner of his mouth.

“A misunderstanding can be solved with words not fist.” Draven started and sent them his stern look. If Cassian wasn’t so angry he would actually squirm under that look but he was just too preoccupied trying to analyze what exactly happened and why he was so annoyed at Varick and his insinuations.

“Understood.” He spoke fast because Draven was looking intently at him clearly awaiting some sort of acknowledgment of his words.

“I don’t have time for your misunderstandings; I need you to be focus and professional. And you Sarettii? Draven asked Kyle who was standing next to Cassian a confused look on his face.

“Wrong place, wrong time.” Kyle started, but Draven only waved his hand.

“Dismiss all of you, if I as much as hear about something like that again there would be severe consequences.” Draven threatened. Both Cassian and Varick nodded their heads. ”Understood.”

“And captain Varick I’m awaiting your report in half an hour” Draven looked at the other captain and then opened the door giving then a clear signal to leave.

“Yes sir.”

When they left Draven's office Cassian just glared at Varick but Kyle spoke “Just walk with me.” And almost dragged Cassian away.

…

_**Present time** _

“I’m going to kill him.” Jyn growled after hearing out Kyle. To be honest Cassian thought that Kyle was an amazing intelligent officer, he should told him that when he would had a chance. The way he made that story absolutely believable and absolutely impersonal regarding to Cassian was truly a masterpiece. But still Jyn’s eyes flashed with rage.

She started to get up but both Cassian and Kyle tried and stopped her.

“No Jyn, you could be in trouble.” Cassian started grabbing her arm and junking her back on the chair.

“Jyn, he’s not worth it.” Kyle added looking reassuringly into her eyes.

“I can’t believe this, I spoke with him yesterday, and he sounded nice.” Jyn said looing angrily at Varvik’s back.

“What?” Before Cassian could stop himself that word left his mouth.

“Yes,” Jyn eyed him questionably and continued. “He came for the training season made some small talks about techniques. I can’t believe that.” Jyn shook her head in annoyance and added without thinking.” Do people really talk we’re sleeping together?” Before she knew what she was asking those words were out in the open. She flushed red and averted her gaze from Cassian. She shouldn’t be asking him that, should she? Why this was so complicated?

Cassian almost chocked on his caf the moment she asked the last question and Kyle put his cup little too loud drawing both Cassian and Jyn’s attention.

“That’s my queue to leave.” Kyle decided hastily. He really didn’t want to take part in that conversation.

“No, where are you going?” Cassian almost barked at him sending him his most where- the- hell- are –you- going –help- me look he could muster, but Kyle only smiled.

“I need to prepare. I’m off to Kuat first thing tomorrow.” Kyle informed.

“Going back?” Cassian asked his friend trying to buy himself some time.

“Yes, my ladies miss me too much.” Kyle joked and pulled his hand over his dark hair.

“Keep fooling yourself.” Cassian said and added.” I should be get going too I have a recon mission tomorrow I need to find K2.” It was a lie but no one needed to know that. He was desperate enough to even find some recon mission for tomorrow as long as he wouldn’t have to answer to Jyn’s question.

Kyle stood up and Jyn jumped from her sit and hugged him. Cassian was staring at them, his inside full of envy that Kyle and Jyn were so easy around each other. He wished he had the courage to just grab her and hold her close whenever he was off on a mission. It was totally different to hold her close when death was upon them but now it was …complicated and full of something warm.

“Great.” Kyle laughed at loud pulling away from Jyn’s embrace. “Now they would be talking we’re a threesome.”

Jyn burst into laughter too. “If so, I’m the one on top.” She said her eyes twinkle with laughter. Cassian just gaped at her open-mouthed.

“That’s why I like you, you sure you aren’t Corelian?” Kyle asked smiling broadly at her.

“Unfortunately.” Jyn said jokingly.

“Be save rebel girl, and keep him safe.” Kyle nodded in Cassian direction.

“I will.” Jyn answered, Cassian only nodded his goodbye to Kyle his ability to speak was nonexistence at the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N thanks for reading please leave some review if you please,  
> I’m sorry for all the mistakes (no beta)  
> I think that I have too much fun with Kyle and Cassian in a one place so there will be more…yeah definitely will be more…


	3. Close encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A mission and a hastily formed plan resulting in clothes being taken off and some dancing being preform, all in the name of the mission…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty sure I’ve seen some rebelcaptain prompt about exchanging clothes and now I can’t find it. But still the idea of Jyn in Cassian’s shirt was too tempting not to try. Still I’m pretty happy with what came out…

**#3 Close encounter**

**…**

“He walked into the Princess and the Pawn nightclub, confirm.” Cassian spoke into the comlink.

“Confirmed, eyes on target he’s walking into the club” Jyn’s voice spoke into Cassian’s ear.

Cassian climbed down from the roof of the building he was lying flat last twenty minutes and run around the corner to the busy sidewalk. Jyn was waiting in a dark alley ten feet from the club.

“We will never get inside looking like that.” He said, eying their clothes and gear, his tone frustrated. He had a good twenty minutes to look over the street. It was one of the posh and rich district of Worru’du and judging by the clothes of the people going in and out of the club it was a high standard place.

Jyn looked at him her eyes narrowed in that focused way Cassian saw  when she was thinking hard about something. It was usually reckless and absolutely dangerous but mostly manageable plan. Suddenly her eyes snapped back at him and she started taking off her jacked.

“Take off your shirt.” She ordered him stripping her jacket and tugging her shirt from her leggings.

“What?” Cassian eyes widened with surprise and shock. His imagination playing tricks on him sending him visions of how this order could be compiled in a totally different situation. _It couldn’t be happening like that, what’d gotten into her?_

“Cassian, take off your shirt I need it.” Jyn asked one more time in the middle of taking off her own shirt but then she hesitated and added. “Turn around.”

Cassian’s mind finally kick started and his brain functions were restored to thinking again. It wasn’t Jyn’s way of jumping his bones (some small part of him was disappointed, he just pushed that thought deep inside) but a hastily formed plan how to get inside the club. Cassian turned over quickly, but not quick enough, stealing glimpse of pale skin and black laces. That moment he knew he was doomed from sleeping for some time after this mission would end. He striped his shirt staying only in his undershirt fitting closely to his muscular abdomen. He extended the shirt to Jyn still trying very hard not to look. He could hear rustling of clothes and then Jyn spoke.

“You can turn around.”

He did, and almost had a heart attack.

He would never wear that shirt again, he thought, without very uncomfortable tightness in his lower part of the body, he was trying very hard not to stare at her open-mothed. He was absolutely unaware that his shirt could look so damn…hot… on someone…on Jyn. Her image in this little piece of his garment was forever imprinted in his brain. Be damned those dream that would follow that little show.

Jyn tied his shirt just under her breast her black lace bra clearly showing between the folds of the shirt. Her flat abdomen glowing pale in the dim light. She  lowered her leggins that her hip bones were visible. She was in the process of striping her weapon belt with all the gear and then she showed it to Cassian. He grabbed it only by his instinct, his brain on hiatus at the sight of her. Jyn yanked at her hair band sending her hair down and Cassian needed to remind himself to breath.

She was beautiful…

“What do you think?” She asked his opinion.

_What was he going to answer?_ He felt an uncomfortable pull deep inside his belly and forbid himself to form any thoughts regarding to his shirt on her, or the amount of her bare skin showing. _What was wrong with him?_ He had seen her without shirt walking in a tank tops to training sessions and had never before experience a raw need to just push her against the wall. YOU NEED TO STOP THAT, he scolded himself in his head.

“I think NOW we will pass.” Cassian manage to speak after forcing his brain to form words again.

“Great, put on your jacket, it’s freezing.” Jyn said arranging her hair again. And only then Cassian saw that he was still holding his jacket in his hand. He put it on fast and stuffed all Jyn's gear into the satchel he had with him.

“Let’s go.” He said and walked in the direction of the club Jyn close by his site.

  …

At the entrance there were two Devaronians as bodyguards. In the alcove there was a pale man who nodded his head when he saw Jyn and the Devaronians stepped aside letting him pass. Cassian didn’t like the look on the man’s face or the way his eyes examined Jyn’s body. Without thinking Cassian shortened the distance between him and Jyn and put his hand at the small of her back. She sent him a questioning look but he only shrugged his shoulder and mouthed “We don’t want to get separated.” She nodded and before he had a chance to react she took his hand and walked them further into the dark and crowded club.

They walked to the bar and scanned the dance floor and the tables for their target. His name was Oberon Webb and he was an analyst in the Rebel Cell here on Worru’du but judging by the data from the report he had more Empire-like sympathies.

It was dark and full of people and other races and it was hard to recognize anyone in that crowd. Not to mention that the music clearly forbade any attempt at normal conversation, blasting loudly form the speakers.  Jyn leaned close to Cassian and almost screamed into his ear.

“Do you see him?”

“I don’t, it’s too crowded.” Cassian had to lean close to her his mouth brushing against her earlobe. She smelled of something fresh with a hint of sweetness and it was intoxicating. Cassian couldn’t help himself and inhaled her deeply trying to remember her scent and the warmth of her body. Then someone pulled at his sleeve and he saw the barman asking without words if they wanted something to drink. Cassian knew better than to drink on a mission but looking at Jyn in her well… disguise he decided that he actually needed one... or few drinks to survive that night, and not to do something remotely stupid.

In no time two shots of something blue and glowing were put in front of them. Jyn raised her eyebrows on him.

“We need to blend in.” He almost smiled remembering the last time he spoke those words to her. Then he drowned his shot in one take. At the corner of his eyes he saw a familiar figure of Webb sitting at the table across the room talking to other human. Cassian couldn’t see much more from their current position. He looked at Jyn considering his options, she was still eying her drink suspiciously so he pointed to the glass.

“Drink, we need to dance.” He informed her and Jyn almost chocked on the blue liquid she decided that moment to consume. _Dance?_ Did she understand him correctly? She wasn’t going to dance with him, it was mortifying enough to take her clothes off in front of him and to transform into some cheap honey trap just to get here, but dancing was totally out of the question.

“What? I don’t dance.” She stammered.

“It’s not a date night Jyn, look, he is over those tables,” He gestured his head to Webb who was sitting at the table across the room. “ I need to be there, preferably close enough to hear what they are talking about.” Without waiting at her protest Cassian tugged at her hand and led her to the dance floor and started maneuvering them across the room.

_Date night?_ Jyn was thinking vaguely locking her hands around his neck

It was absolutely unreal feeling, of Cassian’s body pressed to hers in every right places. Jyn had to bite her lip not to make improper sounds at the feel of his hand at her bare skin. And the way he moved, like dancing was his second nature. She was silently wondering where he learned to dance like that.

In no time they were  at the dance floor close to the tables were the two men were sitting chatting animatedly clearly quarreling about something.

And suddenly Cassian pulled her even closer to him, her body flushed against him, his head resting on her shoulder. If she didn’t know better that Cassian was listening intently to those two talking, she would probably faint. She could feel every nerve in her body tense and electrified at Cassian’s proximity. His warm breath was tickling her neck and only that sensation was enough to send shivers down her spine. Her breath caught in her lungs and she involuntarily held him closer not wanting to collapse on the floor. Then Cassian spoke to her ear.

“They are leaving we need to follow them.” His voice so close that made her gasp at the feeling of his lips almost pressed to the side of her neck and she was glad it was laud inside so Cassian couldn’t hear her gasping and ragged breathing.

She only nodded in agreement as on autopilot.

“Is he an imperial?” Jyn asked trying very hard to focus on a mission.

“Probably. They said something about exchanging some data we would know then.” Cassian explained pulling away from her. It was funny but Jyn felt sad and relieved at the same time at the loss of his arms around her.

“Let’s go.” This time it was Cassian who grabbed Jyn’s hand and followed the exiting men.

Those two left by the back door and Cassian and Jyn almost run after them. The door at the back was closing so Cassian stuck his boot between the door and the frame preventing it from closing. He let go Jyn’s hand in the process. He peered outside and gestured Jyn to follow him. They were back again in the dark alley where Jyn was changing and there was no sight of those two men. Cassian swore darkly and walked fast to the end of the alley Jyn close at his side. And just as they were about to walk on a well-lighted pavement leading to the nightclub  Cassian spun around his expression tense and showed Jyn at the nearest wall pining her against the wall and burring his head in her shoulder. To any passerby, it would look like two lovers taking their time in each other company. Jyn was so shocked by his action that she let him grab her by the waste with one hand successfully stopping her form any movement.

“Cassian what are you doing?” She hissed at him her breathing coming in short gasps. “Quiet, they are just next to us.” Cassian didn’t have to finish that sentence because he could feel Jyn looking around discreetly and acknowledging the presence of their target. She took a deep breath trying to compose herself. Cassian’s head was still at her shoulder but his hand was gently caressing her bare skin at her back. Jyn was holding together only by years of training to put  her emotions aside. Her senses were overloaded with Cassian, his scent, his firm body, all of that was making her dizzy and lightheaded, but it was just NOT A GOOD TIME.

“Just play your part Jyn, trust me.” He asked her rising his head and looking at her his eyes dark with something that Jyn could only tell was desire. Could it be that Cassian was as much overwhelmed by this situation like her? She searched his eyes and nodded.” I trust you.” Because she really did trust him…with her life.

Cassian put his hand in her hair pulling her head… but he just angled her in the direction of Webb, then he bent his head and muttered against the skin of her neck ”Do you see what they are doing?”

It took Jyn all of her will to restore her brain function to thinking again, she focused with difficulties on the men talking and not on Cassian’s lips at her neck.

“They are exchanging a data disc…” She squinted her eyes to see better and added.” Cassian, there are imperial signs on it…”

She could feel Cassian nodding into her shoulder. It was conformed then, they had a double agent in the rebel cell here on Worru’du and he was standing next to them.

“OK, let’s go. You know what I have to do.” She indeed knew what he needed to do now and she could feel how tense Cassian suddenly became. Jyn nodded and without giving it a second thought she hugged him closer, which wasn’t hard giving their current position. After a moment of hesitation Cassian’s arms squeezed tightly around her for a brief moment. Then he pulled away not really looking at her, grabbed her hand and they stalked in the opposite direction.

…   

That night it was a storm on Worru’du, white and pale blue lightning was flashing on the sky. Cassian could hear the rumbling sounds of thunders in every bone of his body when he was lying flat on the roof of one of the building across the street where the Webb’s apartment was located. He was waiting patiently for his target, counting his heartbeats and calming his breath. His rifle was aim and ready. He hated that feeling deep inside his mind. Since Edu he absolutely loathed assignment like that, but he was too well taught not to follow orders. And the man was a traitor. Cassian didn’t know why it was bothering him so much that Jyn would be the witness of his action. It created an eerie and hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly his comlink sprung to life and Jyn voice was in his ear. “It’s done. I took or destroyed all the data I could find in here, coming out.”

“Confirmed.”

Cassian could see through the scope a small figure leaving the set of apartment across the street. She still had her hair loose but she pulled his shirt down and tugged it to her leggings. He somehow was very aware of her still wearing it.

“Wait on the ship.” He ordered, he didn’t know if he imagined that but it looked like Jyn darted her eyes exactly to the spot where he was as trying to oppose him. _Get out form here Jyn I don’t want you to see this_ , Cassian was thinking frantically. It was easier that way.

The plan was ready even before the mission started, they needed only to set it in motion. They both had been at the briefing. If Webb was selling alliances information they needed to clear the place of all the evidences and… eliminate the target. Draven’s words were still ringing in Cassian’s head.

Jyn just did her part, now it was his.

…

Twenty minutes after Jyn returned to the ship she heard Cassian’s footsteps on the cargo hold of the U-wing. She looked up from her seat in the cockpit. He was soaking wet, gripping the rifle in one hand so hard that his knuckles were white, a hollow look in his eyes.

“Let’s get going K.” He spoke darkly his voice hoarse. Jyn was transfixed by the sight of him. Before she knew what she was doing she rose from her seat went to his side and wrapped her arms around him. For a brief moment she thought that he would pull away from her feeling how his muscles tensed at her touch but then he relaxed into her embrace.

Jyn was standing on her tiptoes holding him all cold and dipping wet form the rain not thinking how the front of her shirt was soaking wet from his touch. She felt an overwhelming desire to hold him close, to shelter him form the pain she clearly saw on his face when he returned to the ship. Consequences of her action be damned, she had to be close to him now.

“You should at least strip yourself to the seats, taking off in that storm will be rocky.” K2 voice broke the spell between them. Cassian pulled away from her but she could see something warm ignited in his eyes.

“You should change, you're soaking wet.” Jyn said to him handing him his shirt.  “Here you can have it back now.”

“Thanks, but it looked better on you.” He answered before he could stop himself. It was supposed to sound lightly but there was something heavy in Cassian’s voice.

“Since when have you been borrowing your clothes Cassian?” K2 sounded outraged by the idea.

Cassian and Jyn smiled at each other, Cassian only rolled his eyes at his droid friend.

“Let’s get going K.” He said taking off his wet jacket and sitting in the pilot’s seat. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It was fun to write, tell me what you think. It was such a silly idea at the beginning and well as for me it progressed nicely. I just wanted Cassian to borrow her the shirt


	4. Tiny little fractures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fractures, tiny little ones, are starting to show in Cassian Andor behavior. But he’s still oblivious to most of them…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took longer than I expected but I kind of stuck in the middle of this and I have what You call writer’s block. But I’m here again.  
> I would like to thank my friend Marta who beta this one (and she is a wonderful person who can deal with my craziness and even encourage more of the craziness from me! THNAKS)

**#4 Tiny little fractures**

Fractures, tiny little ones, are starting to show in Cassian Andor behavior. But he’s still oblivious to most of them…

**#Smile**

The first thing people start to notice is his smile. Captain Cassian Andor doesn’t smile, he hasn’t been smiling before, ever. He could laugh at laud with the very few people he called his friends but he generally hasn’t smiled.

And strange thing happening he’s been smiling a lot lately. When Jyn comes to the mess for breakfast and their eyes meet he smiles a small smile, when she sits down with her tray he sends her one of his rare smiles the one which lighten his eyes.

When Jyn accidentally (she always thinks, it is accidentally) brushes her shoulder with him when they are discussing and quarrelling over some plans for the next mission the corners of Cassian’s mouth rise in a hidden smile.

But definitely Cassian Andor does not simile.

Cassian’s face lights up every time she boards the U wing all professional and focus on the new mission.

 Yes, captain Andor does smile a lot lately.

**#Sharing**

The second thing is sharing.

There’re bets around the Echo Base about whether or not they are sharing a bed, the truth is no one knows and everyone is too afraid to even ask. But there’s most definitely a lot of sharing between Cassian and Jyn.

They share a personnel space whenever they’re in the same room drifting unconsciously to each other. No matter where they sit before the briefing starts at the end of it Cassian and Jyn are somehow shoulder to shoulder hunched over one datapad. (and yes, they each have one)

It’s like a mystical force pulling them to each other.

There’s the meal sharing which has only recently been extended to caf sharing when Jyn started drinking his caf every morning as a habit.  And there’s no limitation on how many cups of caf you can have for breakfast. Jyn only discovers the lack of her caf when Cassian takes his first sip and then his cup is hers. What is more surprising he never complains; the only acknowledgment of this behavior is Cassian’s lips twitching into a half smile and it’s like nothing happened. For the first week when this practice started to occur both Bodhi and K2 were sitting frozen in spots just staring at the two of them but since there was no (like absolutely nothing) reaction to it they just leave it be.

**#Pilot seat**

There’s absolutely no one except Cassian who sits in his seat … except Jyn Erso apparently. K2 has told Jyn Erso multiple times that the pilot seat is Cassian’s but she never listens.

Cassian hasn’t said a word to Jyn ever since the first time it happened. He might say something like “This sit is taken”, but Jyn only looked at him and retorted back, ”I don’t see your name on it.” And the matter was settled. She always leaves the seat whenever they’re flying but when they’re in hyperspace or in hangar preparing for the mission Jyn’s always in Cassian’s seat her legs on the dashboard. It’s like she's teasing him to say something but he only pushes her legs down and sits in a copilot seat smiling to himself.

**#Half sayings**

This is a tricky one. Somehow those two can make an entire conversation without actually using sentences. Most of the time they stare at each other, preferably when the other isn’t looking. And when they actually talk it’s more like a code.

“Jyn.” Cassian asks her looking intently at her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about…” She answers not looking at him.

“I didn’t say anything.” Cassian defends himself, surprised by her reaction.

“I know what you’re going to say.” Jyn informs him her voice angry, because she really does know what he wants to say to her. _It was reckless and dangerous or you shouldn’t do it_.

“OK do I need to…?” Cassian starts, but she interrupts him.

“No, I will do it.”

“Whatever.” He says half angrily half amused because he was sure she would put up more fight. Maybe she actually has learned something after this month in the Alliance.

“Fine.” And she walks angrily off him.

And then they just go in opposites ways. Bodhi who has been more than once caught in the middle of such a conversation is still stunned by how they actually could decide and plan anything talking like that, but he knew and saw from the past experiences that they would come back pack and ready for the mission in an hour.

**#Looks**

Well it’s actually more like pinning and longing stares towards certain green eyed young woman. Bodhi is too afraid to say Cassian that he’s not such a good spy as he thinks when he supposes it’s not showing.

And Kyle only laughs at Cassian when he’s presenting one of this looks.

It’s unnerving and slightly embracing to be a witness of Captain Andor staring game. Usually it’s followed by a very grumpy and unfocused captain barking orders at anyone who interrupts his “not -stare”. Cassian’s so good at pretending that he’s not pinning and longing her presence.

**# Overprotectiveness**

It’s a factor that K2 would never associate with Cassian before Jyn Erso stormed to their life. And now it’s a common factor on missions and what is more interesting around the Echo Base.

Cassian overprotectiveness was even discovered by said Jyn Erso, K2 was musing lately. But when confronted Cassian denied everything rather fast, K2 still has that conversation ringing in his circuits.

 The mission had some dangerous and unexpected obstacles (meaning heavy fire, grenades and a contingent of Stormtroopers) but Cassian and Jyn managed to return to the ship mostly intact. If bleeding and bruised is mostly intact. The moment they were off the planet safe in hyperspace, Cassian unbuckled his seatbelt and raged at Jyn.

“What was  that Jyn?” He yelled his anger clearly showed at his face.

“What? I’ve just saved your life.” She yelled back her eyes a blazing fire, the emotions from fighting and running away still in her bloodstream.

“I was fine.” Cassian spat back.

“Yes, that’s why you have a blaster burn to your arm.” Jyn accused him and continued, “but yes, you were fine.” She finished in disbelieve.

“I don’t care, when I say you run it’s an order.” Cassian informed her angrily his eyes hard.

“I won’t obey orders when they’re stupid.”  She spoke angry holding his eyes and didn’t step back.

“What’s wrong with you?” Cassian asked in disbelieve. “You need to listen to me, you could die there.”

“Exactly Cassian, you could die as well.” She said in a quiet voice. “And I could save you, what did you want me to do, leave you there and go back to ship?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I wanted you to do.” Cassian answered her and added in more softer tone. “I don’t want you to die Jyn, I can’t….”

“I don’t want you to die either Cassian.” Jyn spoke her tone little shaken.

“This is getting nowhere.” Cassian spoke after a long pause of staring down on her.

“Exactly, so I will bring a med pack and patch your shoulder and you just shut up.” Jyn informed him and stormed to the cargo hold to find the med pack.

“It’s more than insubordination Erso.” Cassian yelled after her his tone a mix of amusement and seriousness.

“You’re right captain it’s so much more.” Jyn voice could be head from the cargo hold. She didn't look at him. He was standing dumbfounded by her words.

 

 He has absolutely no idea how to say to her all the things he would like to say. _Don’t die Jyn. I would not survive it_. He doesn’t have the courage to voice it, but these words are there deep inside his heart.

Another small tiny fracture in his old self.

 

Jyn brought the med pack and gestured him to sit on a small bench in a cargo hold. He was still half angry half overwhelmed by her last words. When she tentatively took off his jacket he was suddenly very aware of how close she was to him. He could feel the warmth radiating from her body her small hands working to pull off his shirt from his arm and Cassian breath stuck in his lungs. He was watching her small hands working skillfully with his wound, her green eyes sharp and focus. _How did I land myself in all this?_

 His life is divided into the Cassian before and after Jyn Erso and he’s barely recognizing the man he’s becoming around her.

 Then without thinking he grabbed her hand with his other and Jyn locked her eyes with him. Cassian could see mixed emotions playing in her eyes, the same probably are reflecting in his eyes.  Her eyes softened and Cassian mustered all his strength not to kiss her then and there.

“Thank you.” He didn’t know what he’s thanking her for actually maybe for saving his life, for helping him with his injured arm… or for STAYING after Scarif.

“You’re welcome.” She whispered back a small smile playing on her lips. “Don’t ever do it again.”

“I will, if you will.” Cassian said back and also smiled.

 K2 is still taken-aback by their behavior.

**#Push and pull**

There’re days that they are like magnets pushing and pulling in a constant battle. To watch how they fight over absolutely trivial things and then after that they searching for each other for hours pretending not to apologize without using words. Sometimes Jyn thinks it’s some game only her and Cassian know and there’re absolute no rules in it. They could start to quarrel about almost everything, to be honest she’s almost always the one who starts shouting at him. But sometimes she just has enough, she can feel how they’re orbiting toward each other and when there are just too many unspoken words between them only one spark of anger can start a fire. And hell, yes, they know how to fight. It usually more privet than captain Solo and the Princess but still not less fierce.

And then their remorse and second thoughts take the lead. Cassian usually finds her first mostly because he knows all her hiding spots around the base.

“Jyn?” He asks softly finding her behind the vent generator in the east hangar.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” She huffs at him not looking at him but at her datapad on her lap.

“Fine, we will not talk.” Cassian says and sits across form her on the ground.

“Then what are you doing here?” Jyn looks at him her eyes still angry, but Cassian can see some sadness behind it.

“Not talking about it apparently.” Cassian answers lightly.

“That’s idiotic.” She bits back but her lips twitch upright.

“Damn, I was going for forgiving and let’s not talk about that.” Cassian informs her faking disappointment.

“You’re not making any sense now.” Jyn says sounding laughingly.

“To be honest that whole shouting had no sense, we still need to go with the plan.” Cassian informs her in honest tone.

“I know and I hate it.” Jyn agrees, her eyes lighting up.

“It’s much better than hating me.” Cassian mutters without thinking and regrets the moment those words leave his mouth.

“I’ve never said I hated you. “Jyn disagrees fast. She would never say it, it’s more the opposite.

“Yet.” Cassian answered quietly his voice dark.

“I don’t think I can hate you Cassian.” She speaks quietly not really looking at him.  _It would be easier to hate you Cassian trust me_ she thinks, but she will never say these words at loud. It would be much easier to feel hate that this hot, overcoming feeling she feels every time she’s near him.

“Let’s go, we have some preparations to do.” She adds and smiles, getting up from the crate she was sitting on. Without looking at him she walks past him leaving him to ponder on yet another strange conversation they had.

  **#Nervousness**

Cassian Andor isn't nervous.

He has been anxious about missions, sometimes desperate to survive and sometimes angry or furious but he’s not nervous.

Until he met Jyn Erso.

Until actually he woke up in the med bay after Scarif and he didn't see her around. Those two hours were the longest and most nervous hours in his life. He knew she was alive, that much he was able to extract from 2-1B unit by his bed but she wasn't there. And Cassian felt nervous.

For the first time in his life his raging heart and shaky hands were due to the fact he actually cared about someone. And he hated that feeling, because it was absolutely new and mostly alarming.

And ever since that day the nervousness stayed with him as it comes to Jyn.

He half consciously feels nervous and irritated when she is away without him, and he is even more nervous when he’s on a mission with her. Suddenly he starts worrying about unusual things, things that never existed in his life before Jyn. He is suddenly concerned about her safety, comfort, distress and it’s so new to him that he’s completely at loss with all these new feelings.

But the worst part is the nervous feeling that overpowers him when she’s close to him. Suddenly Cassian starts to notice how his heart skips a beat every time she’s a little too close, his hands beginning to tremble whenever she’s touching him deliberately or not. He can feel the hammering of his heart whenever she sits close to him working on some plans late in the evening.

It's pure torture.

And he knows he has to stop feeling like that, he needs to get a grip over himself. But whenever he’s almost sure he has won finally  the battle against his stupid heart the feelings come back full force at him when he’s the least expecting that.

As mentioned before, it is pure torture.

**#Inner Battles**

To Cassian’s  immerse surprise he discovers that he has an ongoing battle between his mind and his heart every time he’s thinking about Jyn.

And this is actually a first for him.

It started on Edu, it was certainly the first time when that stupid organ Cassian knew was called heart, has meddled with his head for the first time.

It was like discovering another person inside him. A totally different one, a creature of the heart and reckless decisions. Generally, Cassian hates this creature which is woken up every time Jyn is around. Deep down Cassian knows that it's actually Jyn who has woken up this heart creature, and he doesn't know if he wants to be grateful for that or just erase that part of him. Cassian doesn't know if Jyn's presence is changing him into a better or a worse man. That yet has to be decided.

**#Jealousy**

The feeling which until recently he knew only that it’s there, and only idiots who’ve fallen in love felt it. So, he’s convinced now that you do not need to be in love (because he still struggled with himself not to admit that maybe this is the case) to feel this strange feeling. He’s still stunned when his insides suddenly twist in a knot and anger floats in his body when he sees Jyn talking with any of the pilots in the hangar or smiles back to the comments of his colleagues from the intelligence office.

It is amazing what jealousy can do with his perception of reality. He must fight with all his strength not to do anything stupid. Cassian really has no idea (or doesn’t want to know) from where did this strange new feeling appear from. And its rivals with the soft and warm feeling that comes over his whole body when Jyn is near. But the anger and madness are unpredictable and really make Cassian does not recognize himself. Even Kyle began to notice something. Whenever Cassian stares ominously narrowing his eyes at the next poor guy who is trying to flirt with Jyn, Kyle just smiles that knowing smile and pats him on the back muttering something like "Get a grip Cass, they’re only talking." This of course leads to a long and emotional conversation with the title I- have -no -idea -what- you're -talking- about what ends up with a careless snort from Kyle and moving on to another topic of the conversation.

Fractures…tiny little one. Can change a man…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: tell me what you think, if you would be so nice… thanks for reading


	5. If there was any other way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian had a bad day and just needed something to make him feel better. He didn't like the way the last mission, he was on with Jyn, ended and what he was forced to do. He was almost sure Jyn didn't like it either. They haven't spoken since they went back and Cassian was dreading for that conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Yes, another one, that small stories of Cassian and Jyn just won’t leave me alone. Once again I would Iike to thank my friend Marta who helped beta this one. Thank YOU!

**#5 If there was any other way**

* * *

 

                Cassian had a bad day and just needed something to make him feel better. He didn't like the way the last mission, he was on with Jyn, ended and what he was forced to do. He was almost sure Jyn didn't like it either. They haven't spoken since they went back and Cassian was dreading for that conversation.

 

Jyn was furious. She was feeling positively pissed off and she couldn't quite name the source of her anger. Well to be honest she could name the source but she didn't want to admit to herself that she is mad at Cassian. Not exactly at Cassian but she is mad because Cassian...and last night mission on Blibringi. She hated that mission ever since it began but the events of last night adventures were still very much vivid in her brain. How could he be so at ease with all that happened? And what was more alarming how many times he had done things like that before...because to be honest he was too calm for this being his first time.

...

 

**_Blibringi, two days before_ **

“Are you kidding me? We're not 'fine'.” Jyn yelled at him trying to gain his attention. “The time she died couldn't be worst”

“Seriously Jyn is there a good time to die?” Cassian asked her amused.

“It's not the point Cassian, now we don't have the access to the mansion and to the governor and this whole mission is a failure.” Jyn informed him angrily scrolling over her datapad furiously. She was thinking intently on another plan.

It supposed to be an easy mission, there was a woman called Bax, Alliance contact on Blibring she was supposed to work in governor’s Tanys Flynn mansion and gained them access to the tonight's party. And now Bax was lying dead in the city hospital and they were in deep trouble. The woman died of old age if anyone was wondering but it wasn't very helpful to Jyn and Cassian's plans.

“We will get inside.” Cassian informed her going for his bag and started extracting some fancy clothes for the night's party.

“Oh yes? How may I ask? Do you happen to know Jedi minds tricks?” Jyn was looking at him wondering about his plan.

“No, but I know some other tricks that may work.” Cassian said and started to pull his jacket and shirt off.

Jyn was so transfixed by the show in front of her eyes that she was momentary speechless. _Since when Cassian didn't even pay attention where he is changing?_ _Since when they are changing clothes in front of each other with so much ease?_ Jyn was wondering staring shamelessly at his bare chest. She was grateful that it was dark in the ship because she was sure she was blushing furiously right now. Cassian put on some fancy white shirt, didn’t even bother to button it up and grabbed a black jacket and trousers from the bag. _If he is going to take his pants off I'm bolting_ , Jyn was thinking frantically but Cassian, as if hearing her thoughts grabbed the rest of the garments and headed for the refresher. _Thanks the force_ Jyn signed in relief. But she almost lost her ability to breathe again when Cassian emerged from the refresher all dressed in black suit, his hair silk and pulled back, his stubble gone.

“Wow, you clean up nice do you have a date or something?” Jyn said jokingly, her brain still on hiatus.

“Exactly, the governor's wife has a soft spot for me I think and I'm going to explicit it.” Cassian informed her stuffing his other clothes back into the bag not really looking at Jyn.

“And where am I supposed to be then?” Jyn asked angrily. She didn't know why she was so angry right now. There was something happening with her insides like someone had kicked her in the guts. She didn't like the idea of Cassian parading in THIS outfit hand to hand with some imperial damsel. She really didn't like it.

“You will be waiting on my sign when I got the key card. You will be the one who will steal the plans.” Cassian told her finally looking at her. _Force_ , _he was handsome all cleaned and dressed up_. Jyn had to shake her head to rid of mental imagines which were so much indecent right now.

“You were meant to be watching him.” She said referring to the former plans.

“Yes but right now, without Bax's help we need to improvise.” Cassian said to her and handed her one of the commlinks. “Stay in touch, hide as we planned and wait for my signal.”

“I don't like this plan.” Jyn informed him her eyes a mixture of worry and something hot.

“Me either, but there is no time for another one, we only have this night.” Cassian said and left the ship.

…

The plan was simple, well the new made up plan was even simpler, but Jyn didn’t especially like it, Cassian needed to get the governor’s wife attention and charm his way into the party. Not that Cassian didn’t do it before, he did, plenty of times. With his look Draven was sure to explicit that factor on numerous occasion. But Cassian has never done it with Jyn Erso in his head, to be specific in his left ear, where a small hidden commlink was sitting. _It would be fun, or torture_ , Cassian thought to himself, took a deep breath and mingled with the crowd in front of the entrance to the governor’s mansion.

The governor’s wife Prennis Flynn was standing at the steps of her house greeting the arriving guests. Cassian could see two security officers at the door.

“I’m off now, so they wouldn’t detect any transmission.” He spoke to Jyn.

“Good luck.” Came the answer whispered to his ear.

 

From her position on the roof of the mansion Jyn could see Cassian strolling casually around the people. It was like watching a totally different person; he was walking differently with a manner of a man who owned half of the galaxy. Jyn noticed how easily he was starting a conversation with total strangers, like he had known them for years. Jyn hasn’t had the occasion to see Cassian on missions like that, how perfectly well he could blend in a high ranking imperial society as it was his second nature. She made a mental note to ask him about his training in that area.

And then there was the governor’s wife – Prennis, Jyn had checked her file. Typical imperial wife, good education but nothing to say as it comes to free will or personal opinions. Just a nice addition to her husband on parties. To Jyn’s annoyance Prennis was also pretty, some people would say that beautiful was a better word. She has long blond hair which was cascading in soft waves down her back and she was wearing a long dark dress which was fitting her perfectly in all the right places. Jyn couldn’t even imagine herself wearing things like that she would look hilarious. Finally Cassian made a move on Prennis and Jyn was tempted to switch on his commlink but she’s known better. So she only focused the lenses in her binoculars, she could see that Cassian was smiling and chatting with the woman and judging by the look on Prennis’s face it was working. _How could it not? Did you see him wearing all that fancy clothes?_ Jyn thought darkly, you probably needed to be blind not to droll on the sight of him. To Jyn surprise she could see that Cassian could be charming and flirtatious. Jyn felt a sting of jealously she would very much like to be at the receiving end of Cassian charm and flirt. _What? Where did that thought come from?_ Jyn was startled by the way her brain was forming thoughts regarded to Cassian lately. She suddenly started debating in her head about how dark and handsome his eyes were, and how close she could get to him without being improperly close. Not that Cassian had ever paid attention to proper personal space since they met. Jyn could swear that the invisible ‘proper line’ didn’t exist between them even before they become partners and co-officers in the Alliance. He was always close, a little too close Jyn thought. Jyn started noticing strange things – how his hands lingered little too long when he was handing her the datapad. But he never said anything to her, like the things were happening without his conscious mind. _Cassian is professional, strict, by – the – book – intelligence officer and her friend_ Jyn scowled herself in her mind. She needed to stop fooling herself and focus. Yes, this was what she needed to do, to focus on the mission.

Jyn looked again at the stairs and was forced to watch as smiling Cassian was walking hand to hand with Prennis into the building. Jyn hated the way Prennis’s hand was wrapped possessively around Cassian’s forearm.

_It will be a long mission_ Jyn thought darkly. Then suddenly Cassian’s voice interrupted her dark mussing.

“I’m in.”

“I could see that.” Jyn answered her voice a mixture of anger and hurt. She needed to stop that; she must focus and be off that kriffing asteroid field... and away from Prennis as soon as possible.

“Jyn?” Cassian questioning voice informed her that he heard her tone.

“Nothing, it’s uncomfortable here, hurry up.” Jyn lied to him flatly. She couldn’t tell him that watching him flirting with other woman made her want to vomit or scream. Yes, definitely she couldn’t tell him that.

Jyn could hear through the commlink the way Cassian introduced himself as Damien Kast. What was the most surprising there was no trace of his Festian accent in his voice. Jyn was astonished how much his voice could change for the mission and she discovered, to her much dislikes, that she missed his accent deeply.

There were a lot of nonsense chats Cassian was forced to have with the people on the party, so Jyn stopped paying attention to it until a woman’s voice caught her attention. To Jyn’s deep displeasure she could hear that Cassian was talking to Prennis again. Between some static and some indistinct words Jyn could hear that Cassian had gained his access point. There was too much giggling and whispered words on the line for Jyn’s liking.

After like a half an hour of indistinctive laughter and whispered sweet talks Jyn was ready to rip her commlink out of her ear preferably with her ear and the part of the brain that was forced to hear and proceed what Cassian was doing downstairs.

It hurt her inside.

Jyn felt almost physical pain at the memory of those sweet words that Damien Kast was selling to unsuspicious Prennis. Prennis was coquetting as much as she could and Cassian was repaying her by responding to her flirting words with equal commitment. As if Prennis was the only one that he thought of his whole life, the right amount of compliments, assurances of extraordinary beauty and this unforgettable talk of loneliness in the big galaxy. And she was his. Jyn could confirm this because just by listening to his words so far away from him she was able to buy his great method.

Jyn had never in her life felt like that. She felt as something heavy and dark swirl inside her. If she wasn’t so well trained to hide her emotions and to deal with pain either physical or the emotional one, she would start to cry. And it was the first time in a long time Jyn felt the need to cry. She was so angry with herself for being this emotional weak girl right now. And she was angry with Cassian who was preforming oh so well at wooing that woman and she was mostly angry with Draven that he taught Cassian that  and used him for missions like that. It was low, it was playing on the cheapest emotions and going outside the lines but judging by the results she could hear in her ear, Cassian was fluent in that game.

“Be in the last room on the third floor in the east wing in 15 minutes.” Cassian voice sobered her form her dark place. She shook her head and mustered all her strength to sound casual.

“Confirmed 15 minutes, Erso out.”

 

Going to the last room in the east wing, Jyn couldn’t imagine what was going to happen there. To be honest, she didn’t even want to imagine it. Her imagination suggested her possible scenarios that could be played between Prennis and Cassian, but she really would not even think about it. What would she find in this room? A half-naked pair too engrossed with one another to see her when she would have to steal this access card? _I don’t know if I could_. She thought sadly. For the first time in her life she wouldn’t be able to do the task she was supposed to do, because some obscure feelings for a man. Jyn ran across the fluffy red carpet to the designated room quietly praying to any force in the galaxy not to see too much.

 

But she did.

When she opened the door she definitely did see too much.

 

Cassian, who was standing his back to the door, was kissing Prennis, purposely or not, blocking her the view of the door.

 

Jyn lost her ability to breath, to walk, to even make any bit of sound to acknowledgment her presence to him. She just stood there in the doorway staring at the sight in front of her fighting the urge either to kill her (or him, it was yet to be decided by her frozen brain) on the spot or just bolt. But then she saw that Cassian was doing something strange with his other hand, the one which wasn’t involved in rumoring around Prennis’s body. Jyn saw a small syringe being pulled form Cassian’s pocket. He injected it to the woman’s arm; she didn’t even make a sound. One minute she was trying to chew Cassian’s face off, in the next minute she was hanging loose from his arms. Only then Cassian turned around to see Jyn standing in the doorway.

“H-how long have you been standing there?” He asked his voice hoarse and so much Cassian, with all the accent and tone.

“Long enough.” Jyn answered trying to sound causal but falling miserably her voice low and hurtful. Something flashed in Cassian’s eyes but Jyn refused to acknowledge that. She wanted to be off with all that, like now preferably, her mind didn’t decide whether she wanted to kill any of them and since Prennis was out she would have to kill Cassian. It was a tempting thought looking at his mussed look and a smug of Prennis’s lipstick on his jaw.

“It wasn’t what you think it was.” Cassian defended himself.

“Of course it wasn’t, it was one of the spy technic to extract information from a target. Using that often? When would I be able to learn that?” Jyn said trying to sound sarcastic not hurtful and almost managed.

“Jyn...” Cassian started but she cut him off.

“We don’t have time for this now, Cassian. Give me the card.” Jyn huffed at him, finally moved inside the room and yanked the key card form Cassian’s hand. “Ten minutes. You better wait here, if anyone would see you, you should be preoccupied with the wife not wondering around.”

“Jyn…” Cassian started again but she just spun around and walked away. “Ten minutes and we go, you should put her to bed Cassian or your arms would hurt.” Jyn didn’t even look at him when she left.

She was positively furious. And hurt. That hot and overwhelming feeling inside her was hurt and…jealousy.

 And Jyn had absolutely no idea what to do with these feelings.

 

Ten minutes later Jyn founded Cassian sitting at the edge of the bed where unconscious Prennis was lying. He got rid of his jacket and mussed his hair in their usual look and it made Jyn even angrier at him. A very small part of her was trying to explain him, that it was Damien who did all that,  and there was no Cassian in it, but now seeing him there looking more as himself made her want to scream at him, or hit him…or kiss him in the same way that stupid sleeping woman minutes before.

“You changed.” It was the first thing that came to her mind.

“I decided that I have enough of Damien Kast for the night, and preferably a lifetime.” Cassian said darkly not looking at her, but on a very fluffy white carpet in front of the bed. It made Jyn to take an involuntary step in his direction, some small part of her wanted to comfort him, but she stopped herself just in time. It was not the time and place for such a conversation. If that time or place would ever existed.

Cassian raised his eyes form the carpet and locked his eyes with her. Jyn froze in spot seeing the look in his eyes, she could see hurt and regrets flashing at her from his deep brown eyes a silent ‘I’m sorry’ she wasn’t ready to accept, not yet.

“Let’s go before anyone starts looking for our sleeping beauty.” Jyn said to him trying very hard to sound casual and this time it was almost believable.

 

They went out through the roof, the same way Jyn had got there before the party. The way back to the ship was silent and stressful. Neither of them knew how to start talking and to be honest they didn’t even wanted to talk. Cassian was having a moral hangover of a lifetime, and Jyn was still deciding if she was going to explore the new found jealousy inside her. When they boarded the ship it was like a silent agreement not to talk about that.

There was no way to talk since K2 was waiting impatiently for their return and ever since they were on cargo hold he started complaining about how late they were and how dangerous it was to wait for their return. He didn’t pay much attention to the two very silent and very gloomy passengers.

 

Safely in hyperspace Cassian mustered his strength to try to talk with Jyn but he found her sleeping in the cargo hold her head resting on a hard metal of the ship wall. He didn’t know if she was sleeping or only faking it, for the sake of not talking, but either way he shrugged his jacket and draped it over her shoulder. In was cold, he was justifying his action in his mind. Jyn could feel everything but she dared not to open her eyes.

He went back to the pilot seat and tried very hard to rest but a pair of hurt green eyes was hunting him chasing his sleep away.

 

**_Echo Base, Hoth_ **

**_Present time_ **

The sound of the key code being pressed at his door was what alarmed Cassian at first. There were only three people who knew his code, one being the droid who was currently maintaining the ship, the second being Kyle who was on Kuat if Cassian remembered correctly, and the third one (only recently added to this small group) was Jyn.

Cassian sat bolt upright from the bed he was currently lying mopping over his situation, he knew who was outside his door. It would not be a pleasant conversation.

The door slid open and a very angry looking Jyn stepped inside. So it was finally that time to face the music as they say Cassian thought and got up.

“You must be mad, coming here like this. Am I supposed to be scared now?” Cassian said jokingly but judging by the look on Jyn’s face it didn’t work. She was mad at him, and he knew why, but she didn’t have the right to be mad at him, because it was a damn mission not his choice. He would make a very different choice.

Actually his very choice for the night like that was standing in the doorway of his room very much pissed at him right now.

“Did you enjoy yourself last night?” She accused him damaging answers. She spent long hours thinking about last night. She didn’t speak a word during post mission briefing, she only answered questions regarding to the mission and then she just left. She wasn’t ready to talk with him then, and looking at him right now she wasn’t sure if she was ready to talk to him now.

“What?” he asked in disbelieve. “Why are you asking me that?”

“It’s a simple question.” Jyn said waiting for his answer.

“Are we really going to talk about this?” Cassian asked to be sure if she was actually ready to hear some dark parts of his life.

“Apparently we are.” Jyn started angrily and suddenly like something has broken inside her, she hunched her shoulder and lowered her eyes to the ground. “I don’t know why I need to know that Cassian, is that… did you do it before?”

Cassian signed in surrender, but seeing her all sad and broken made him want to tell her everything.

“If we’re really going to talk about this I think you need to sit down.”

“Is this that bad?” She sounded scared.

“What?” Cassian asked in disbelieve. _What was she thinking about him, that he was exploiting multiply women on every mission he took?_ “No, it’s a longer conversation”

She sat, at the very edge of the only chair in his room and only that told Cassian that she was mad at him. Whenever they had met before to plan something or to talk about strategy or simply to teach Jyn some military information she always crawled onto his bed shamelessly taking as much space as she could. And now she was perched at his chair ready to bold through the door in any minute. Yes, she was definitely mad at him.

“Sometimes it’s easier that way Jyn…” Cassian started but was unable to finish because she sent him a dark look, a mixture of hurt and disbelieve in it. As if she was saying - _What?, You call that easy?_ with her eyes only.

“You saw that nothing happened, I had that syringe ready I just needed a little distraction.” Cassian said quietly, trying very hard to explain himself.

“Yes, it worked perfectly, I could witness that.” Jyn informed him her voice stern. She didn’t look in his eyes; she kept her eyes focused on her hands on her lap.

“And that was very unfortunate.” Cassian sighed. He really was sorry that she had to witness some part of this mission he would very much kept in the dark.

“Why?” She asked half angry and half sad. Why didn’t he want her to see what a skillful spy could do with all the resourced he had? ‘All’ being a key word here.

“Jyn, there are some things in my line of ‘work’ I’m not proud of, and I definitely didn’t want you to find out about them like that way.” Cassian said to her getting a little angry, he was hoping she would at least try to understand him. That wasn’t his idea, that was taught to him to use it in situations like that.

“Find what?” She didn’t scream but her cold voice was as if she did. “That you are… I don’t know… using women to get intel.”

“I’m not using them; at least I’m trying not to.” Cassian defend himself, he didn’t really believe in half of the words he was saying but he was hoping that someday he would felt that way.

“So how did you call that?” Jyn asked her tone still stern.

“A means to an end.” Cassian finally answered not really looking at her. But it was truth or he was forcing himself to believe that it was the truth.

“I can believe you are saying that…” Jyn said in disbelieve finally looking into his eyes. And Cassian finally broke.

“What you want me to say. That I regret that, yes I do, every time I’m forced to do it. And I prefer to think that it is not me who is doing that, as for me it was Damien Kast who invited her to the room, not me. If I would start thinking about it as it was actual me I could not survive the consequences.”

The silence that lasted after his last sentence was defying and extremely heavy. After quite some time Jyn finally spoke her voice quiet and almost apologetic.

“Did you ever need to…?”

“What?” Cassian spat at her. He could hear that he was harsh to her but that conversation opened some old wounds he was not ready to go to. Especially not with Jyn.

“You know…” She waved her hand looking pointedly in his eyes, and he knew what she was asking. The imminent question, the one he was dreading to hear ever since they returned from Bilbringi.

“Yes, and it was only once if you must know, after that I felt awful and since then I had that very handy syringe arm and ready.” Cassian confessed darkly not looking at her. That conversation was even harder than he expected it would be.

“Was she that bad?” Jyn asked in disbelieve. She didn’t know why she was asking him all that questions.

“On the contrary,” he started saying his voice sad and heavy on the accent. “She was beautiful and sad, and I hate myself even more that I had to left her where she was…” he finally looked at Jyn sending her a silent plea for forgiveness, she nodded her head lightly and Cassian finished talking.  “…and now it’s the time I say I don’t really want to talk about this”

 “I’m sorry…” Jyn finally said and she was truly sorry that she made him explain himself to her. She had no right to question him and his duties and especially what he did with women. She has no right to ask these questions, she understood that now, it was only Cassian’s kindness and patience with her explosive nature that he answered all her questions and not kicked her out of the room.

“Don’t be,” he answered honestly locking her with his serious gaze. “I just don’t want you to be mad at me…if there was any other way.”

“I know.” She spoke softly, and she actually knew. It was enough doom, gloom and personal growth for one night. So she added to lighten up the mood. “And just for the record the way you flirt is shameful.” She ended and after a long pause when there was no reaction from Cassian, Jyn was afraid he got offended, but he actually narrowed his eyes, in that special way that made her heart skip a beat, and burst into laughter. When he stopped laughing he spoke to her, a mischievous spark in his eyes, the laughter still clearly sounding in his voice.

“That’s because you have never heard Cassian Andor flirting, only that pompous ass Damien, I hate the guy.”

Jyn also smiled, a broad, happy smile and raised form the chair. Without saying a word she just sat next to him on the bed and started looking at the abandon datapad with the next briefing scheme.

As nothing happened.

And deep inside her heart, Jyn hoped that she would have a chance to hear Cassian Andor flirting…preferably with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Please tell me what you think, and as my mind is constantly informing me … there will be another chapter of Misunderstanding …soon.  
> And yes, there was a direct quotation form Damon from the Vampire’s Diaries, anybody notice? Let me know (I LOVE THE GUY)  
> And anyone who read Rather be me, there is a sequel coming but first thing first.  
> Thanks for all the support, You guys rock!!!


	6. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some changes in Jyn's life and she’s absolutely aware of them … most of the time.  
> It is a companion piece to 'Tiny little fractures' but from Jyn’s POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I don’t own anything. I’m just having fun.  
> I would like to thank all of YOU who read and comment, it really means a LOT to me  
> There will be 3 more chapters I think.

**#6 Changes**

* * *

 

There are  some changes in Jyn's life and she’s absolutely aware of them … most of the time.

 

**#A place to rest my head**

A bed.

A piece of furniture Jyn didn't pay much attention to thought the years in Saw's rebel camp or the time when she was on her own. She could sleep whenever on whatever as long as it was dry.

Jyn was thinking absent-minded about this lying on her bed that morning.

Now on this kriffngly cold planet she has a bed in her own room. A bed with actual linen on it and a pillow. She’s very fond of her pillow actually, its soft and she doesn't have to fold her jacket every time she wants to lie down. She even requested another pillow just to see if she would get it. And now she’s extremely proud of her two pillows. For someone who has spent better half of her life sleeping on dirty floors or ship’s benches to own a bed is … extraordinary.

The pillows are hers and she adores them. In that rare moments in her room, she can feel like as a young girl again. To be happy about trivial things such as pillows, beds, rooms and clothes you can change every day.

To Jyn's surprise she discovered that what she thought is a  luxury -meaning her tiny room with her bed and pillow -is now her anchor. Her place in all that chaos in the galaxy at war. She didn't know that she’d missed her own place so much until she got one. She doesn’t own much things, actually the only things she owned when she was extracted from Wobani was the clothes she was wearing that time. And now she had a room, a chest of drawer full of fresh clothes and pillows.

 

Suddenly a knock on the door stops her mussing over the accommodation changes in her life. She rises to open the door. She suspects who is outside the door and she can't stop smiling.  And there he’s, Cassian is standing in her door a few datapads balancing in his hand.

“Cassian?” She asks him as of greeting.

“Jyn.” He nods his head in greeting and he has that easy going look on his face. The one Jyn started to associate with him being relaxed and ...not bothered by the weight of the galaxy on his shoulder.

”I was wondering if you have some time to look over tomorrow’s schedules.”

“I was going to check them in the Office later.” Jyn starts but she’s still smiling, she knows that the schedules are here with Cassian and they will be working over them together. As he would need an excuse to come here. After Scarif things became complicated between them. There were so many things that just weren't spoken between them. And now they’re too preoccupated in the fight and duties and ...Cassian is back being that business-like Intelligence Officer most of the times.

But not now. Not here.

“I brought them.” He offers looking at the stack of datapads in his hand.

She smiles at him and let him walk into her room. This is not the first time Cassian invades her room. Actually, it’s a habit of theirs. It became some sort of unspoken agreement to meet and discuss things in her room. It was Cassian who actually said it's faster and more quiet than in the Intelligence Centre and he was right. And also, Jyn actually likes when they’re just the two of them. She can watch the real Cassian then, the one who is not strict, by the book officer but just... her friend who lived through hell with her.

Jyn had one more suspicion looking at Cassian who walks past her room and without even asking sits on her bed, steals one of her precious pillow and tucks it behind his back to rest it against the wall. Only then he catches her staring at him.

“What?” He asks getting comfortable with all the datapad scattered around him but making room for her. Jyn’s looking at him narrowing her eyes in that special way.

“You’re a pillow snatcher you know.” She informs him her tone playful.

“You've two, you should learn to share.” Cassian answers without thinking his eyes twinkle with that hidden smile of his.

“It's enough you take so much space on the bed there’s no pillow sharing.” Jyn's words are out of her mouth without thinking and only then she actually hears what she said to him. Cassian just gaps at her with his mouth slightly open. This conversation could have totally different meaning in different circumstances. Jyn stops talking and blushes furiously when the implication of her words comes to her mind. She racks her brain to say something, anything, to make a joke of this situation but her brain just stopped working. She stands rooted in the spot captured by Cassian's eyes. She can see something dark flashing in his eyes and for a long moment they just stare at each other. But the moment’s gone and Cassian just clears his throat and speaks.

“I can sit on a chair if you want.”

“Don't.” Jyn says fast, too fast for her liking, and she adds. “I hate chairs, they make everything so official, move over.” She finishes and climbs on the bed next to him. She doesn’t know why the thought of Cassian not sitting in her bed shoulder to shoulder with her is suddenly so repelling to her.

She likes sitting with him like that.

On her bed.

Even when he snatches her pillow... when he leaves it smells of him...and it soothing.

But she will never say that to him...

 

**#Food**

There’s plenty of food in the Rebel Base. Not that it’s especially tasteful but it's there whenever you feel hungry.

You don’t need to fight for the food or pay amounts of credits for some scraps.

The food is always there and it’s a huge change in Jyn's life.

But there’s also the food that Cassian can cook.

And he can cook actually.

Using all the kitchen utensils (Jyn still thinks that half of them are secret weapons hidden in the kitchen just in case.)

It was only once when Cassian preformed that cooking skill for her and she still can’t forget how easy it was for him.

It was the second day they were stuck inside rebel save house on Squarr due to a hurricane. Their scheduled plans had to be postponed and they were stuck together in a small, cramped hideout. Jyn was bored beyond belief, Bodhi was trying to keep the conversation but neither Cassian nor K2 were very interested in talking. All four of them were stressed and had enough of this temporary imprisonment.

When Bodhi gave up on any chance of conversation, he got up from the table to fetch some nutri bars but Cassian made some indecent snorting sound and he also stood up from the table where he currently was scrolling through his datapad.

“We are not going to eat that again.” Cassian informed Bodhi darkly and started rolling up his sleeves.

“Great, are you going to fetch some food then Cassian?” Jyn asked trying to sound jokingly but somehow being forced to sit in on place with absolutely nothing to do tended to make her angry. She looked at Cassian form her datapad and pointed on the only window in that tiny kitchen. The rain was beating furiously against the enforced glass and the howling of the wind was clearly heard through the thick wall of the building.

“No.” Cassian sent her a dark look. “I'm going to cook something.”

“Cooking, you?” Jyn almost snorted at him.

“Just for the record I'm not only good at killing people and spying. I can cook sometime.” Cassian explained and only that gave Jyn an odd feeling of something warm inside.

“This, I need to see.” She said to him playfully getting up from her chair.

“You can help, if not, there’s no ogling me in the kitchen.” Cassian informed her and finished rolling up his sleeves not really looking at her.

K2 and Bodhi monetarily froze at the exchange but after over a month spent with Cassian and Jyn and their way of talking to each other, they just get used to it.

“I can help.” Jyn informed him offended by being accused of ogling him. She wasn’t ogling him. Maybe rarely stare at him when he wasn’t looking but she did not ogle. She hoped she didn't.

“More like ruin everything.” K2 chipped in.

“Thanks K, you’re so encouraging as always.”  Jyn said sarcastically to the droid, but he only blinked at her his artificial blue eyes.

“What, I'm only stating the obvious, I know that Cassian can cook but you have never presented any of that ability.” K2 informed in his very unemotional tone.

“It's enough K” Cassian barked at the droid and looked back at Jyn. “If only you don't hurt yourself.” He smirked at her and went to the kitchen area.

“Hilarious, both of you.” Jyn muttered but followed Cassian to the kitchen.

Twenty minute later Jyn was sent back to the table because she clearly was in Cassian line of work. After bumping into her for the third-time Cassian only sighted and pleaded her not to help him.

Jyn faked being hurt but inside she was relieved  that she could stop getting into Cassian’s way. Clearly, he knew what he was doing.

After another twenty minutes, there was actual food on the table. It was a simple soup but it was hot and smelled delicious. Jyn was looking at Cassian with a mixture of surprise and admiration and it was a little too intimidating for him. Everyone actually were staring at him and the food as it would explode any moment. Cassian finally had enough of the tension and spoke.

“Guys I swear I didn't poison it, you can eat this.”

As on mutual agreement both Body and Jyn grabbed their spoons and started eating. At the first taste of the hot brown liquid Jyn's eyes winded in delight. She grinned at Cassian and he actually grinned back.

As she was saying rebels had food.

And one specific alliance officer could make it even better.

 

**#Flying**

Jyn can't fly a ship. It’s stupid, she knows that but she's never had a chance to learn that. In Saw's rebel base, there were more important things to learn for her and when she was left alone there was absolutely no one who cared whether she knew how to fly a ship.

It was Bodhi who first offered her the lessons and she gladly agreed.

But today Bodhi is on parameters duty so Jyn can forget about flying.

 

She decides to leave the hangar when Cassian's voice stops her.

“Jyn where are you going?” He asks her wiping his dirty hands on some old rag because he’s just finished checking his U-wing stabilizers.

“Nowhere, I forgot that Bodhi is on patrol, I though we'll be flying.” She answers him shyly, she doesn’t know why it’s so embracing to tell Cassian she’s learning to fly when he absolutely knows about it. Only today he was talking with her about that during breakfast.

“I can teach you today.” Cassian offers looking at her face and when he sees a slight hesitation in her expression he adds. “If you want.”

“I… well...” Jyn pauses for a second, the thought of being locked up in a small space in the snowspeeder with Cassian has some good and absolutely bad points in it.” I don't want to make you any trouble.”

“It's no trouble. I don’t have anything better to do.” Cassian says and looks back at his ship. “Have you ever fly a U-wing?”

Jyn eyes widens in surprise and horror. It's Cassian’s ship, the one that she hasn’t supposed to  even sit in his pilot seat (as if that ever stopped her) and now he’s offering to let her fly it.

“No, and no way.” She informs him her eyes wide. “I'll not fly your ship.”

“Why not?” He asks her smiling at her. It’s distracting. This smile of his is absolutely adoring and ...distracting.

“Are you kidding me, what if I scratch it or something?” She says that absolutely seriously and he smiles even wider his eyes twinkle in mischief and it's a rare sight. Damn that smile of his.

“I've crashed the last one, it will survive a scratch. Come on.” And without thinking he grabs her by her arm and drags her in the direction of his ship. Jyn doesn't know what is burning her more his hand on her forearm or the thought of him actually teaching her to fly.

The preflight preparation is a haze and before Jyn notices Cassian is stripping her the pilot seat – his pilot seat. She’s so surprised and dazed by the feeling of his hands brushing against her sides that she’s momentarily speechless. She just starts at him trying very hard to control her rapid breathing not wanting to let him know how much his closeness is working its way on her. And then Cassian and his hands are gone and Jyn can see him sitting in the copilot seat preparing to fly the ship from the hangar.

“I will take her from the hangar and then you can have the controls.” He informs her and Jyn is wondering how he can't hear the hammering of her heart because honestly this is the only sound she can hear.  She only nods her head and quietly speaks “OK.”

“You need to relax Jyn, flying should be fun” Cassian says to her grinning at her like he's having the best time in his life.

“I will try.” She answers him. _As long as you will not touch me again_ Jyn thinks to herself and takes a deep calming breath. And then they’re off through the hangar door and Cassian lands the ship just outside the Echo Base gates. Then he looks expectantly at her.

“Your turn.”

“I've never done that before, it's so much different from a snowspeeder.” Jyn says a slight panic in her voice.

“Not so different, just bigger.” Cassian says and jumps form his seats. “Look”.

And Cassian is back again next to her, so close that if she as much as angles her head she will bump into his shoulder or his cheek to be specific. He hovers over her and then covers her hands on the rudder with his and Jyn stops breathing. It would be so easy just to twist her head a little and… kiss him.

He’s so close that his breath is tickling her side of the neck and only that is unnerving and absolutely distracting and… exhilarating.

Cassian’s saying something but her fogged brain just doesn’t register it. And then Jyn feels that the ship is back in the air. Cassian’s steering the U-wing still holding her hands.

“OK, you’re clear, now I’m going to let go” He says so close to her ear that his breath is tickling her neck and that small sensation sends shivers down her spine. _WHAT the hell is wrong with me!_ Jyn thinks frantically. And then nods at his words, she doesn’t think she’s able to make any sound. Then Cassian’s hands left hers and she feels relieved and unhappy at the same time. But she can feel the low hum of the engine, she can see the slow passing of the snowy landscape outside the ship and she can feel she’s actually flying.

“There you go.” Cassian says smiling at her. “It was easy.”

“Because you did it for me.” Jyn says not daring to look at him her hands gripping the rudder so hard that it’s almost painful.

“Just the first time. I’ll not be so kind the next time.” Cassian informs her but he’s not stepping back from her.

“So, there’ll be a next time.” Jyn half asking, half hoping it will be.

“If you want.” Cassian answers and Jyn can feel that he’s still so close to her. She dares looking at him and he’s smiling at her that rare warm smile that makes her heart skips a beat. Their eyes lock and it’s the elevator on Scarif back again. As if the time stood still. The thoughts of his hands on her are back in her mind and she’s transfixed by his dark eyes. His eyes become darker and Cassian is looming dangerously close to her now. There’re like mere inches between them. Jyn holds her breath waiting for something inevitable to happen.

And suddenly there’s a strong gust of wind and the ship jumps in the air. Jyn panics and holds the rudder even harder if that is even possible and Cassian fights to stay on his feet when the ship jerks up and down. Finally, Jyn regains control over the ship and Cassian jumps on the copilot seat and grabs his rudder to help her.

“Hoth is not a very good place for flying lessons, the winds here…” Cassian says helping to maneuver the ship and make it stable.

“So, the lesson’s over…” Jyn asks half wishing that it’s not. Because now when she actually can breathe again, without Cassian dark, searching eyes looking at her she actually begins to enjoy flying.

“Who says that, let’s fly more lieutenant Erso.” Cassian ends her worries and buckles his seat belts. “The lesson is far from over.”

 

**#Friends**

 Jyn Erso didn’t have friends… until now.

There’re days that she’s still too stunned to acknowledge the fact that there’re people here at the Echo Base she can call friends.

Her friends.

At first it was very touch and go with her, the first days after Scarif Jyn didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life more less to make friends.

But she stayed and certain people just entered her life. What was more surprising especially to her that she’s let them.

Bodhi was the first one who she could call a friend because it was easy to be around him. He was a nice and kind guy who treated her more like a younger sister, so it was just natural to spend time with him.

And there were missions when Bodhi was almost always their pilot when they needed one.

 

There were also Chirrut and Baze but since they decided to come and go from the rebel base as they pleased and never really joined the Alliance it was more difficult to see them often. But when they were at Echo Base they always made sure to check on Jyn. It was kind and remarkable feeling to have someone who takes care of you.

 

Even K2 mustered some friendly remark toward Jyn once a week. But taking into consideration their constant bantering, he was as much friendly as he could.

 

And there was Kyle, Cassian’s friend. After a proper second introduction (since their first meeting wasn’t much pleasant due to Kyle’s bad mood) Jyn decided he was a decent man. The fact that Kyle actually expressed his gratitude for saving Cassian’s ass (his words exactly) was very beneficial. And the fact that he was Corelian with all the charm and easy goings of that kind helped a little. But the major factor considering Kyle her friend was the fact that he was actually the only person who Cassian was listening to and the only one who could make Cassian flush and double take just by expressing his bold opinion.

And Kyle insisted on calling her a _rebel girl_ which made Cassian even more flustered especially with comments that suggested that Jyn was actually Cassian’s rebel girl. She only smiled every time Kyle was starting to torture poor Cassian. It was so easy getting under captain Andor skin having Kyle at her side.

 

And Cassian, Jyn was constantly referring to him as a friend in her head… but it hasn’t been helping. No matter how hard she’s trying to think of Cassian as her friend the truth is, he’s so much more to her…

**#Purpose**

For the first time in a long time Jyn feels that she belongs somewhere.

She has this feeling deep inside her that all her doings have some meaning. That she finally found a purpose in her life. It’s not that she suddenly starts to believe in the rebellion, but she started to believe in the people who she’s fighting the Empire with. She has found the meaning for all that pent-up emotions swirling inside her for years. That darkness that was inside her for years was finally gone.

It took her some time and small steps.

When they were frantically moving the Base One form Yavin IV to this froze hell called Hoth Jyn was doing all she could to help. She was no Alliance officer then but still she worked her, only recently healed form Scariff, ass off to help with the evacuation and it felt good.

 

Then it was Cassian who suggested that she should train the new recruits in hand to hand combat. At first Jyn thought he was kidding but she could tell just by looking into his eyes how serious he was about that. And it was one of the best ideas he had.

Jyn almost immediately felt like home on the training area. All her techniques from Saw’s training helped her to gain an excellent opinion as an instructor.

There was only one incident with a group of pilots after which two of them were limping through the base supporting matching dark circles under their eyes. Cassian couldn’t stop laughing at the two of them for the past two weeks.

And there was the Intelligence office.

Jyn was thinking about actually joining the alliance forces but she would like to do it with all the good reasons.

The bad reason, she thought, was her actual one, the only one she had in her mind ever since she walked off Scarif more or less intact, and its name was Cassian.

Jyn was just afraid that joining rebel forces for a …man was actually quite girlish thing to do. To enroll because suddenly she couldn’t stand the idea of not being around him.

 

And then Cassian went on a mission and didn’t come back in the scheduled time.

 

No one would tell her anything because she wasn’t actually an intelligence officer. Being promoted lieutenant on board of the Rogue One flying to Scarif didn’t actually count much to Draven.

Two days of Cassian’s absence was like a living hell for her.

Cassian did came back the day after the scheduled time, supporting a massive bruise to his left side and some broken ribs.

The next day Jyn was officially ranked lieutenant and was co-signed with Cassian on low ranked missions as a tutorial for the Intelligence training.

If asked, Jyn would refuse profoundly that she did that for Cassian.

Of course, she didn’t do it for him.

She did that for herself to never ever was forced to wait for the news about him.

 

**#A place to call home**

Hoth is not her home. It’s too cold, too bright and definitely with too much snow.

Echo Base isn’t her home either because it’s just a base and it could be evacuated the moment the Empire would find their location.

But still Jyn is at home.

Every time they return form a mission whether it was a success or failure Cassian always smiles at her that small warm smile that makes her heart skips a beat and says.

“Welcome home.”

She knows it’s not only for her, but for all the crew members (mostly Bodhy and K2 these days) but Jyn feels home whenever she looks into Cassian’s eyes and see that warm spark that ignites there.

Yes, Jyn Erso has finally found her home.

Her home is not a place, but it’s the people who makes her feel like home.

Like she belongs somewhere, like she’s their home as much as they’re hers.

It’s true what they say. Home is, where your heart is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Please tell me what you think. And I even have a tumblr account now, so You can say hi! Look for my-annalay-love if YOU want :D  
> And I’m sorry for all the mistakes (English is not my first language, but that has never stop me:)


	7. Lose your way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It supposed to be a simple mission. They were going back from Sullust a simple recon mission, in and out, to see if the Empire was making more ships and weapons and that mission went smoothly. But then they got the massage to make a small detour...  
> (...)Bodhi was telling some story when Cassian came to their table. And only then he decided that something was off. Jyn was having too much fun, as much as he liked her smiling and relaxed she was way too relaxed and he could swear she was giggling… at some pilot sitting next to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one and I had so much fun to wirte it, I hope you will enjoy it...

 

**#7 Lose your way**

* * *

 

It supposed to be a simple mission. They were going back from Sullust a simple recon mission, in and out, to see if the Empire was making more ships and weapons and that mission went smoothly. But then they got the massage to make a small detour.

The detour was to go to Taul, a small rebel outpost settled on that planet to train soldiers for sever battle conditions. It was a simple supplies mission.

But there were some obstacles on the way.

The first obstacle was K2 profound hatred to Taul as soon as he read the description of the planet. The ever-presented fine mist in the atmosphere was acidic. When absolutely harmless to the organic life it caused problems to all the mechanical things, especially the droids. It was part of the idea to train soldiers to depend on droids less and the atmosphere of Taul was perfect for that.

But well K2 was furious, as if droids could be furious, but he definitely whined and complained to all the crew members on board a very small in that situation U wing. Cassian was forced to order him to stop talking (more to shut up as his exact words were) when Jyn threatened to crosswire its circuit. And Cassian believed Jyn, because she was tired after the Sullust mission, as she hadn’t slept for more than twenty six hours and she just wished to go back on Hoth. As much as she hated that frozen planet there was her bed there, and some normal food.

Cassian felt pretty much the same as she.

He left Bodhi to sit with very miserable K in the cockpit and went to the cargo hold to be rid of K’s complaints for some time. He squeezed his way past all the crates with the supplies they took for Taul and looked at Jyn, who was half lying on the bench, her eyes closed but as sensing his look she spoke without opening them.

“I’m not sleeping, believe it or not but after some months of having my own bed I can’t simple sleep around anymore.”

Cassian’s eyes narrowed and Jyn eyes flew open. She wondered what was wrong with her, lately she had some trouble with forming proper sentence around Cassian.

“That’s good to know.” He answered a small smirk playing on his lips, the implication of her words still in his mind.

“It’s not what I was trying to say.” Jyn tried to explain and only then she saw that he was making fun of her and enjoying it way too much. Cassian laughed a short delighted laugh that made Jyn’s inside melt, she has loved that laugh. It was so rare that Cassian could laugh like that.

“I know you like your bed, but please tell me what were you talking about exactly?” Cassian was still smiling and Jyn could feel her blushing. How did she end up in situations like that? She should think what she wanted to say before her stupid mouth voice that.

“Sometimes you’re even worse than K.” She mumbled but she smiled at him.

“What did you think? I programmed him.” Cassian said and sat next to her on the bench. Jyn only stared for some time at the swirls of hyperspace flashing outside the illuminator enjoying the silence between them. It was so sporadic when they could only sit and didn’t plan or worry about yet another mission. They were going home, maybe it would take them a little longer than they wanted but still they had some quiet time.

“How long to Taul?” Jyn finally asked Cassian, whose head was resting at the back of the chair with his eyes closed, he opened his tired dark eyes and looked at her.

“An hour at most, and I think we will stay there for the night, we both need a rest, it was a long mission on Sullust, we need some sleep and since, as you said before, you’re not sleeping around anymore we need to find you a bed.”

“Be careful Captain or there would be yours circuits that would be tempered with.” Jyn threatened but her eyes had that unique spark in it, the one that Cassian loved. _What? What is wrong with me?_ How many times did he need to remined himself that he had to stop thinking feelings verbs toward Jyn. Their life was complicated enough without his mind presenting words like ‘loved’ to him.

“I can’t wait seeing you do that, Jyn” Cassian answered mischievously and got up. They would be landing soon and he needed to make final instructions to Bodhi, and sent a massage to Taul landing control. He could feel Jyn’s eyes following him from the cargo compartment.

 

When they were heading for a landing pad on Taul Jyn had a nice view of the rebel outpost. Located on the top of the cliff with only one way to enter and the rest were just a very high mountains’ walls going straight down. The area was covered with swamps and wet and slimy forests. Jyn decided that she didn’t especially like the idea of a training session here. She didn’t like Hoth much but at least there were no toxic mist and green sticky ground around. Upon landing, they needed to part their ways. Cassian was summoned to the commanding office for some information and Jyn was left in charge of unpacking the supplies. K2 refused to participate in any of the works, he was sitting stiff in the cockpit not moving an inch as if that would help not to be contaminated. It didn’t help explaining to him that the air in the base was filtrated and there was no acid mist inside (because all the equipment and ships in the hangar) but it wasn’t much help to K’s paranoia. Cassian just left him be and allowed him to shut himself in the ship for the night. For once K refused to set his metallic foot anywhere in the base. Jyn hasn’t decided if she should be making fun of him or just felt sorry for him because it was so uncommon that K was afraid of something. She would make fun of him, she decided, but only when they left this this planet, now it would be just too cruel even for her.

The rebel base personnel was so friendly towards Jyn and Bodhi that Jyn couldn’t stop looking for trap anytime soon. But the mystery of the warm welcome was solved when some pilot who helped unload the supplies asked Bodhi if that was true that they were actually the Rouge One crew. It led to a long explanation from Bodhi that there was no actually Rogue One crew that it was only a made-up code name because they needed to go but it didn’t help and they were treated as heroes. Jyn hated when people treated her that way but she was just too tired to argue. The hours spent on Sullust were taking a toll on her and she was actually feeling exhausted by the minutes.

When the U wing was unload and K2 closed and sealed the door to the cargo compartment a group of pilots and other crew members offered Bodhi and Jyn a drink. And since they didn’t want to be rude and refuse such a warm welcome despite the exhaustion Jyn followed Bodhi to the canteen.

It was where Cassian has found Jyn and Bodhi two hours later. Sitting around a table and laughing with the Taul crew members. Bodhi was telling some story when Cassian came to their table. And only then he decided that something was off. Jyn was having too much fun, as much as he liked her smiling and relaxed she was way too relaxed and he could swear she was giggling… at some pilot sitting next to her.

“What is going on here?” Cassian asked looking between Jyn and Bodhi, the last one stopped talking and tried to look guilty. Only then Cassian spotted an almost empty bottle of some brown liquid on the table.

“Cassian.” Bodhi started trying to explain, but then Jyn cut in swaying in her chair and forming words in a funny way.

“Oh, Cassian, meet Jebber.” She introduced the pilot she was grinning at before and Cassian immediately disliked him. The fact that the man was looking at him in some kind of admiration was completely lost to Cassian, who only narrowed his eyes at Jyn. But it didn’t make any effect on her.

“Jebber this’s our captain Cassian Andor.” She introduced Cassian still in that fuzzy alcohol induced mood.

“It’s an honor to meet you, sir, as we have heard a lot about the Rogue One.” This Jebber guy was trying to be nice, Cassian could tell that but he was just too angry, at Jyn for getting drunk, at Bodhi that let her got drunk and at that Jebber guy for sitting too close to Jyn for Cassian’s liking.

“You mean the squadron that Luke Skywalker is creating clearly because there is no Rogue One here.” Cassian informed Jebber in a strict voice and then looked at Jyn.

”Jyn, I think you have enough, let’s go.”

Jyn’s eyes narrowed in that special way that said _you’re in trouble_ but Cassian just couldn’t care less at the moment. They were tired and exhausted from the last mission and now she would have to fight a massive hangover in the morning. He didn’t like that. But clearly neither did Jyn who spoke her voice angry.

“What is wrong with you Cassian? They are trying to be nice.”

“By getting you drunk, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He answered her and rounded the table to stand next to her, he made a move to grab her by her arm but she dogged his attempt.

“I’m a big girl, you know Captain.” The last word she spoke was laced with sarcasm. Cassian heard her addressing him that way on numerous occasions every time when she was furious with what he just did or said.

“Sometimes I doubt that, please go with me.” He hissed to her and this time he managed to grab her arm and almost lifted her from the chair. Jyn stood up her eyes blazing fire, she stood so close to him despite the height difference that Cassian could count all her lashes.

“Sometimes I hate you.” She informed him looking directly into his eyes. Cassian had shivers down his back just by looking at her all furious and moved. It was a sight that made his inside twist in a knot and he just wished he could act on all that feelings that were building up inside him whenever he was in situations like this with her. He just wished to grab her and … kiss her senseless. Or in that case kiss some sense into her. Because getting drunk after almost a day’s long mission it’s not the brightest idea.

“Are you sure that’s not the alcohol talking?” He questioned her and didn’t back off from her. The table went silence just looking at the two. Then when the tension was just impossible to bear Bodhi cleared his throat and Cassian finally broke the staring contest with Jyn and looked at him. Bodhi looked pointedly at him and Jyn and  Cassian only nodded his head at him.

“Bodhi, this’s the code to your quarter, we’ll leaving first thing in the morning.” At that he yanked Jyn’s hand forcing her to stop form sitting back on the chair.

“OK, do you think you can handle…” Bodhi asked and pointed in Jyn’s direction.

“Yes, don’t worry.” Cassian answered shortly and wanted to leave but Bodhi’s hand stopped him.

“Cassian I’m sorry, I didn’t know she has drunk that much.” Cassian only nodded to that information and spun around to Jyn.

“Let’s go.” He yanked her by her hand and out from the canteen.

“You know Cassian, you’re cute when you’re angry.” Jyn informed him when they were just around the corner and Cassian lost his footing by this revelation.

“Damn, I was going for intimidating and vaguely threatening.” He joked because he seriously didn’t want to have that conversation with drunken Jyn.

“And yes, you could be threatening, sometimes” She said absolutely serious locking her eyes with him and stopped walking “… for people who doesn’t know you, you could be even scary.” She finished not losing eye contact with him and Cassian was frozen in the spot. He knew that alcohol was a great truth serum but he couldn’t stop thinking it was unfair to explicit Jyn’s state of mind.

“How much did you actually drink?” He asked her readjusting the hold on her forearm because she clearly need some support.

“I don’t know, but the walls are spinning if that’s any indication.” She answered him and tried to hold to the nearest wall. Cassian just stepped closer and held her around her waist. In moments like that he discovered how small and fragile Jyn actually was. He could hold her small and light form without any actual effort.

“Sometimes I just can’t leave you unsupervised.” He informed her gathering her small form and holding her tightly to his side when walking to her room. It was good that this base wasn’t so big. Their rooms were just around the corner.

“You shouldn’t be leaving me at all then.” Jyn mumbled into his shoulder and only that and the way she snuggled into his arm told him how much drunk she was. They were in front of her door, he needed to support her with one arm and pushed the code to her door with his free hand.

“I will try, and now in.” He said to her catching a glimpse of green, clouded eyes.

He lightly pushed her in the room but looking at the way she was swaying she needed more help so he went inside with her. He helped her on the bed not even bothering to take any of her clothes. He wouldn’t dare doing that, the mental imagines that would follow that exercise would probably kill him. Jyn lied down heavily on the bed and closed her eyes.

“It’s not only walls that are spinning right now, the whole room is moving.” She informed him closing her eyes shut and opening them as trying to regain any sense of normality.

“I don’t envy you in the morning, you were tired before and tiredness and alcohol are never a good combination.” Cassian said to her, he was thinking what he was supposed to do now. Was it safe to leave her alone, did he want to leave her alone?

“Yes, but they were asking so nicely and they were talking as we were heroes and it was all Bodhi’s fault because it was him who agreed to have the first shot. Oh… I think I’m going to be sick.” Jyn sat on the bed fast her eyes wide and her complexion even paler than before.

“I will bring you some water, don’t get up.” He went for the fresher and brought her a glass of water. She drank it eagerly but then just collapsed on the bed again. Cassian was mesmerized by the look of her. She looked so vulnerable, her pale skin almost glowing in the semi darkness of the room. Before he knew what he was doing he reached and brushed a loose strand of her hair from her eyes. Jyn didn’t open her eyes but signed, a soft sound that Cassian would love to hear every evening. Some small part of him was screaming at him to leave, to be out in the door before he would do something stupid but Cassian was just too tired of listening to his reasonable self tonight. Now, in this dark room on some remote planet he just wished to stroke her hair. He didn’t wish for more. 

“It will be better if you just go to sleep.” He whispered still stroking her hair. Jyn didn’t open her eyes yet mostly because she was too afraid he would stop doing that. The feeling his hand was sending to her body was amazing and perplexing and even more intoxicating that the alcohol she had consumed. She didn’t know if her head was spinning more from his touch or from the spirit.

After some time, the common sense finally reached Cassian and he retrieved his hand. But only when he wanted to walked away from Jyn’s bed thinking she was asleep she blindly reached for his hand and hold it.

“Please don’t leave, I don’t want to be alone” She mumbled and turned on her side facing Cassian, she opened her eyes and Cassian could see all the unspoken emotions hidden behind them, he was almost sure similar emotions were flashing in his eyes.

“OK.” He whispered back and without letting go of her hand he sat down on the floor by her bed. Their entwined hands were resting next to Jyn’s chin. The moment he sat down leaning his back against her bed, Jyn closed her eyes again but he could see a small smile playing on her lips. He was partly wondering how much of this she would remember in the morning, but right now he couldn’t care less. He didn’t remember the time when he felt happier. He could feel Jyn’s small hand in his, warm and perfect and Cassian was sure that he just found his place in the galaxy. By her side, no matter where, no matter how far she let him to be for her, he would take anything. He brushed his finger over her hand and he could feel her squeezing his hand in return.

“Do you ever think we should just stop doing that to ourselves...” Jyn started saying but she never finished that sentence. She has fallen asleep still holding his hand. Cassian only stared at her seeping form.

It was really long at night before Cassian had the courage and will to let go of her hand and went to his room. Her last words still ringing in his ears. 

 

To said he was rested was an overstatement of the year, he didn’t sleep almost all night. When he had enough of tossing and turning in his small bed he got up and saw that it was almost morning on Taul. The small bright sun of this planet was rising  in the horizon making the swamps even more unhealthy shade of green. Pretty much as Jyn’s face yesterday, Cassian thought and almost immediately felt sorry for her. He decided to do something about this and went to the small canteen from where he extracted her yesterday evening in not a very pleasant manner.

Taking the caf and something which bear resemblance to bread rolls in one hand he was leaving the canteen when the pilot from last night – Jebber was his name – stopped him.

“Captain Andor, sir I’d like to apologize for last night, I didn’t mean anything and I’d no idea you two are together.” The pilot, the one who Jyn introduced to him last night, said to Cassian. For a second Cassian didn’t know what he was talking about and then he almost choked on his words.

“What?” Cassian spluttered and had an unstoppable desire to explain himself. “We are not together.”

“No?” That kriffingly stupid man questioned and Cassian was feeling as ripping his head off was suddenly an option. “Still, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding and the alcohol.” Jabber finished and as much as Cassian wanted to punch him he could see that he was honest.

“I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Cassian informed him trying to be nice, trying was a good word in this situation.

“Understood, sir,” Jebber said “and still I think you’re heroes no matter what you will say.”

“Well, thanks for that.” Cassian answered because he truly didn’t know what else to say. And just when he was ready to leave that odd conversation Jebber added.

“And Captain Andor, if I may say something, she’s amazing but you clearly know that so what stops you?” Cassian was blinking stupidly at the man debating in his head whether he should actually kill him or just agree with him. After a long pause, Cassian finally managed to say.

“I don’t think I can answer this question lieutenant.” _Because clearly there are times that I don’t know what stops US,_ he finished in his mind. He only nodded his head and went out form the canteen.

He knocked at Jyn’s door and waited a long minute before there was any sigh that she was alive. But then he could hear a small ‘enter’ coming from the door and Cassian pushed the door open. Jyn was still lying on the bed looking even more miserably than yesterday, but if Cassian was to truly described her the word beautiful was looming in his head. All sleepy and mussed from sleep it was a sight of Jyn that Cassian actually began to love. And yet again he scolded himself mentally not to think too much and not to use ‘love’ in any sentence with Jyn in it.

“I bring reinforcement.” He said extending the caf and the bread roll towards her.

“Oh my… what happened.” Jyn finally asked and tried to sit on the bed but failed miserably since her head was trying to explode and there was something dancing on her temples beating a frantic beat in the rhythm of her racing heart.

“What do you remember?” Cassian asked softly and came closer to her.

“The unloading of the U-wing and a dinner in the canteen, and Bodhi accepting a drink…” Jyn groaned painfully in the pillow.

“That’s it?” Cassian asked, half of him hoping that she didn’t remember a thing form last night, and the other smaller part of him was screaming ‘remember’ so they could finally talk and decide what was going on between them since …they met.

“I remember waking up here.” Jyn’s muffed voice came to him and that small part of him just shut up. Another small chance to sort out the thing between them just passed by. Because Cassian would not start explaining her why he spent a better part of the night holding her hand when she didn’t remember that.

“Here take this it should help.” Cassian extended the caf and some pills he took form his bag before he went to canteen.

“I don’t care, I’m not moving if I move my head will explode.” Jyn muttered her eyes closed.

“If you don’t take this you will just suffer longer, come on it’s good, I checked that myself.”

Jyn opened one eye and looked at him in disbelieve.

“You? Has Captain Proper ever drunk too much?” She asked him her eyes glittered in amusement

“More times than you think, have you met Kyle?” Cassian said to her and encouraged her to drink. Jyn sat on the bed and immediately regretted that. Cassian could also see that because her face suddenly changed into this green shade that could only mean one. Before he could say anything Jyn bolted to the refresher slamming the door behind her. Cassian only sighted half amused, feeling sorry for her. She emerged from the fresher after sometime still pale but not so green and without a word took the pills form the nightstand where Cassian put them.

“I will kill Bodhi, I swear.” She threatened but then only collapsed on the bed again.

“Do you think you can travel or should I send a message that we are staying due to… sever weather condition?” Cassian offered.

“No I want to go home, I’ll be OK, and I don’t think K2 would like the idea of spending more time on this planet.” Jyn sat back again and this time she didn’t turn all green and squeamish.

“K2 is my least concern at the moment.” Cassian told her looking at her seriously with worry in his eyes.

Jyn only smiled, a small tried smile. Their eyes locked for a long moment as if Jyn was trying to read his mind about last night. For a brief moment Cassian hesitated and almost told her everything but then he just gritted his teeth and lowered his eyes.

“You should eat something, I will be waiting on the ship.” Cassian finally said to her walking to the door.

“OK, and Cassian?

“Yes”

“Thanks… for everything.” _For hauling me here yesterday, for listening to my drunken jabber and mostly for holding my hand_ , Jyn finished in her head looking intently into Cassian’s eyes. As if she was trying to say all this without actually voicing it. And somehow Jyn sensed that Cassian knew what she was thanking him for.

“Anytime.” He smiled at her, that warm smile that made her traitorous heart skip a beat and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for all the mistakes I edited it like milion times but still ...  
> tell me what you think :D


	8. Glimpses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Jyn are busy trying not to think about themselves, but it’s not working actually. And this day is full of unexpected glimpses and conversations that lead to more confusion in their minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I don’t own anything I’m just having fun.  
> I would like to thank MARTA who helped beta this one.

**8# Glimpses**

* * *

 

_His hand is getting lower and lower over her stomach, his mouth are hot on her neck, she  can’t form a coherent thought. She can only think about his hot searching hand coming further down. When he finally touches her on her center she can’t suppress a moan…_

And her eyes snap open.

It’s dark, cold and there is absolutely no one in her room.

“Damn.” A very flushed and very aroused Jyn Erso sits bolt upright on her bed in the Echo Base. It was just a dream she thinks frantically trying to calm down her raging heart. Another one this week, if the dreams would be hunting her more often she may consider not to sleep at all. She can almost feel his hand on her body, her body excited and alarmed and …oh so ready for him.

“I hate this.” She groans in frustration and buries her head into the pillow. “I hate him.”

It’s not true, it’s more the opposite, and she totally knows that but sometimes it helps to think like that. She’s trying to calm her senses but it’s a lost cause. So, she only sights in resignation and gets up from the bed and drags herself to the shower. Maybe the hot water will help her, or maybe she’ll help herself, because definitely she can’t count on Cassian’s help to release that tension.

He has absolutely no idea about this.

_He has her pinned against the wall in the cargo hold of his U wing and he’s kissing her senseless his hands are roaming over her body, and only that it’s so arousing for him that he has lost himself in her. She’s fighting with his belt and zipper and just when her small hands finally meet the sensitive skin of his lower parts he hisses at the sensation and…_

He wakes up with a start.

His heart is racing like he has just run a fifty miles and his entire body is throbbing with need and he’s painfully aware of a tightness in his sleeping pants.

“Not again.” He groans at loud and forces himself to the fresher. He feels like a teenage having wet dreams about his friend from school. It’s painful and distracting and definitely disturbs his sleep. A factor Cassian actually needs considering his line of work. He shouldn’t have wet dreams about Jyn Erso. He shouldn’t be thinking about her in that way and when he’s awake he almost manages to do that. But sleeping is a totally different story. In dreams his subconscious takes the lead over his tired mind and presents him with vivid imagines of what could have been. And it’s  pure torture to wake up from such a dream. To spend an entire day with Jyn is even a bigger torture because she’s blissfully unaware of his problem.

 

Emerging from the shower all wet hair and pink skin Jyn decided, since the dreams would probably won't leave her alone, she can as well as start her day. Maybe she has the time to eat an early breakfast and that would spare her the presence of Cassian at her usual breakfast table.

It’s early in the base and everyone are probably gaining the most needed sleep. She’s walking along the silent, white corridors of Echo Base thinking how she will survive the whole day with Cassian when the vivid imagines from her dream are still hunting her. She hopes she could avoid him as long as she could.

 

But her hope dies the minute she enters the mess hall darting a look in the direction of their usual table and seeing Cassian sitting there already. It’s so uncommon of him being here so early, he’s usually late for breakfast, Jyn thinks that he’s just too tired to wake up on time and sometimes she understands him completely. When the mission is over she also thinks that she could sleep for a month and she’s not a full member of the Intelligence Office being still as Draven put it 'in training'.

Jyn considers just for a brief moment to pretend that she didn't notice him, to grab some caf and walk away but as much as she's feeling uncomfortable she doesn't want to be rude. And he would probably hunt her down and ask what's wrong looking at her with these brown eyes of his and she could not survive this today.

She takes a bowl of something mushy and brown, a cup of caf and goes to his table.

“You’re up early today.” She says sitting opposite him and trying to sound casual. She has a wired feeling that her last dream is somehow imprinted on her and Cassian can see all of her not so innocent thoughts in her eyes. But he only looks at her his eyes weary and dark and her breath catches in her throat at the sight of him. He’s battered up and clearly out of shower since his hair is wet and she has almost unstoppable need to touch him. She’s fighting with this urge and gripping the cup so hard that she’s afraid she will break it.

“Same as you, can't sleep?” He answers her trying very hard not to stare at her lips, the vivid imagines of what they could look like all red and bruised from kissing are invading his mind and he almost kicks himself under the table, it’s all he can do not to act on this feeling.

“It's more that I have a lot of things to do today.” She lies to him without blinking an eye. She has completely nothing to do in the morning, she has only one training session around noon and a briefing late this afternoon, but what she’s supposed to tell him. _I couldn’t sleep because the dreams about you, very improper dreams, are hunting me almost every night_. Yeah this could be good… she thoughts darkly.

“Trainings?” He asks her, he needs to try a normal conversation with her, it’s not the first time when he has trouble focusing around her, he will survive this as any other Jyn's distraction lately.

“Schedules,” She groans and sits down and continues to lie. “I love them, it's fun.”

“Yeah, we have a briefing today.”  It’s more a statement than a question and Jyn looks at him briefly from her bowl and regrets that the moment her eyes locks with his. The pull inside her stomach is a psychical pain. _What is wrong with me today, why today is so hard to be around him._ After moths in the Alliance she could get use the constant presence of Cassian around her. But his closeness is getting more and more difficult to manage when she has to fight with her sudden urges to kiss him. It’s not that she has only recently discovered that he’s handsome, it was an ongoing factor since they met almost two months ago but only recently she has so much trouble to deal with him being THAT handsome and alluring and she’s completely at loss looking at him.

“Yeah, do you know what's the mission.” She questions, how they manage to have that normal conversation when her brain is filling her with thoughts and emotions is a complete mystery to her. Maybe she’s that good in hiding her feelings and maybe that’s why she has found her place in Intelligence so quickly, because she’s THAT good in pretending that she’s not bothered.

“No, didn't have time to check anything after I got back.” Cassian answers honestly, because that's actually the truth he was back late at night yesterday and had only time to check his appointments for the next day before he crashed to bed. And then the dreams came and ruined him that already small amount of sleeping hours.

“How was it?” She asked about the mission. Maybe when they will talk about something normal the tension in her mussels finally will be gone.

“Long and a lot of waiting, you would die of boredom.” Cassian answers and smiles at her that simple small smile of his and Jyn is lost at the way his eyes twinkle with merit at the thought of bored and complaining Jyn having to wait in hiding almost the entire mission.

“I'm not that impatient you know.” She answers indignity, if you only knew how patient I'm with you and what your presence is doing to me you would change your mind, she thoughts dismally trying not to look at him.

“And I almost believed you.” He informs her, and she glares back at him fighting the need to just scream at him with all that she's hiding form him, when Bodhi comes closer and interrupts their conversation.

“You’re early today, what's wrong?”

“Long day.” Cassian and Jyn answer in unison then looks at each other with suppressed smiles and then as on command breaking the eyes contact and bussing themselves with their breakfast.

“OK, I see but do you know...”

And both Cassian and Jyn are very happily distracted by the newest pilot's gossip Bodhi's selling then this morning. Or they only pretend to listen because their eyes dart to each other way too frequent.

 

It’s very uncommon for Cassian to run into Jyn on regular basis, if it wasn’t for the meals sharing there sometimes days would pass when the two would not see each other. But today is a very different day. It’s like some force was meddling with Cassian’s day to force him to catch glimpses of Jyn. Just after breakfast Cassian decides that there is nothing better to clean his head than a little tinkering in the U-wing.

And there she’s.

When Cassian is finishing putting the last patches at the left side of the U-wing Jyn walks to the hangar talking admittedly with a woman Cassian doesn’t know. But it’s not the fact that Jyn is talking with someone he doesn’t know, kriff, she spends more time in the Base than him and she can make friends, it’s the fact that Jyn is holding a little girl in her arms, not older that two, and smiling broadly to the child. Cassian stays frozen to the spot mesmerizing by the sight in front of him. The little girl is smiling her toothless smile to Jyn and Jyn’s face lights up and Cassian loses his ability to breath. Suddenly his mind in invaded with different imagine of a small girl with dark hair and piercing green eyes and he just can’t breathe. _Is it possible? Is that future for them in any way?_

Then as Jyn could hear his thoughts she looks up from the girl’s face and looks at him. She sends him a small smile and she’s back talking with the girl. Then the girl’s mother says something to Jyn and Jyn returns the girl to her mother still smiling that warm and amazing smile and the little girl pats Jyn’s cheek which makes her laugh at laud. And then the mother and the child are gone in the direction of an X-wing where a very happy looking pilot is waving his hand at them.

 

Jyn comes his way and Cassian has seconds to compose himself and chase the daydream way.

“Hi, “Jyn comes closer and Cassian is fighting with his ability to speak again. Sometimes he hates himself for what is happening with his calm and composed self lately around Jyn.

“Hi, I see you have some new friends” Cassian finally speaks wiping his hands on some old rag he found in the tool box trying to busy himself as not to think too much.

“Ah yes it was Nyla she’s Dexen’s wife, she just came to visit him with her daughter Jessa and was looking for him so I offered help and well… Jessa seems to like me.” Jyn flushes a little. Cassian has no idea why she’s ashamed that a little girl happens to like and trust her, it’s an amazing ability. Children are the best judges of character and Cassian knows that Jyn is a good person, it’s still wonders him why she’s so surprised by this.   

“Well since I met you I know you have a soft spot for children.” Cassian smiles when memories of Jyn throwing herself to save the little girl on Jedha floats to his mind, Jyn seems to be thinking the same thing because she smiles as well.

“Well I like children, they’re fun.” She states and for a second there is something in her eyes. Like an unspoken question and Cassian is tempted to answer it. _I happen to like children as well, would you like to have one, if so I’m available._ That sentence is just at the tip of his tongue but as much as he’s brave enough to throw himself head first in the fight against Empire, his courage leaves him now.

“Yes, they are.” It’s only this what he manages without speaking too much.

“Have you finished or would you like some help?” Jyn asks him shyly, she doesn’t have much to do despite the lies she told during breakfast.

“I thought you have some work to do.” It’s half a question. And Cassian is half praying that she actually has something to do because today it’s just that weird day when dreams and images of Jyn would be hunting him and in days like that it’s better to avoid the temptation, the temptation being Jyn presence.

“It’s’ boring,” she speaks the truth because if she had the schedules they would be boring and she would do anything not to write them. “I very much prefer something physical to do.” It’s a simple sentence without any second guessing, but not to Cassian, especially not today.

It’s a long pause between them during which Cassian is fighting with a massive urge not to grab her and fulfill his morning dream, since the U-wing is just behind his back. But finally, common sense wins his inner battle.

“How good are you with wires?” He asks praying that his voice is not waver with desperation.

“Good enough not to cross them in the process.” Jyn answers and smiles at him, and Cassian must fight again with his stupid heart which begins to beat frantically against his chest. Lately he has problems with recognizing himself around Jyn.

“It’s good enough.” He informs her in his most plain voice and jumps to his U-wing trying very hard not to look at walls. He could not survive any more vivid imagines of what could have happened.

“Come, I will show you what you need to do.” He takes her to the communication unit and starts explaining.

 

They spent most of the morning working on Cassian's U-wing. The alliances units were never in good shapes and Cassian got that one after he was returned to duty after Scariff. And the ongoing fight to keep it running and in good condition started. Today Cassian did everything in his power not to be in the same room as Jyn, just in case, but still the thoughts of her mere meters from him were electrifying and unnerving him all morning. So, when they finished and decided to part ways he was somehow relived and disappointed at the same time. He was just tired of his imagination today.

 

Dinner is always a very happy gathering and it’s generally easier to be around Jyn when there are a lot of other people around. This fact is somehow stopping his mind to tempt him with imagines of her lips, hands and other parts of her anatomy when there are other people around. And today there are even more people because somehow half of the Rouge Squadron decided to eat dinner with them and Jyn is smiling and joking with Wedge and it’s kind of confusing Cassian. He’s pondering over why he’s feeling so uncomfortable looking at Jyn telling some story to very interested Wedge when Wes Janson sits next to Cassian.

“Cassian, have you heard about scouts’ mission?” the question is odd but Cassian says nothing and focuses his attention to Wes.

“What? No. I only got back from Nar Shaddaa.”

“All our convoy was destroyed, we lost the supplies routes form Takonda.” Wes sells the information and Cassian knows that it’s not that important since the pilots know about it. There is no intel leak being gossip over mess hall.

“Maybe that’s why I have a briefing today, normally I got at least a day.” Cassian says half wondering if this is actually the case he’s being summoned to the briefing only after like twelve hours he was back.

“Yeah, but since Jyn is coming it’s not a problem.” Wes says and Cassian’s eyes are narrowing. Thus, this is the sudden reason of talking business so he, Cassian, would spill between lines if he’s happy that Jyn is coming with him.

“What? How?” Cassian asks fast, little too fast, but then the mask of a spy sets in and Cassian switches to his long-learned techniques. Wes is just too easy to read, Cassian has to hold his laughter at how Janson is trying.

“You two aren’t…?” Wes is actually surprised or he’s such a good actor, but since Cassian just saw him through the surprised face is real. “I’m sorry it’s not my business.” Wes finishes and Cassian is ready to tell him _to hell it’s not_ , but stops himself. He could get more from Wes than he would get form Cassian that is for sure.

“Wes who’s fishing?”

 “Am I that easy to read?” Wes is flushed and he tries to look apologetic.

“No, you’re just talking with a spy,” Cassian informs him with a smile, pilots are easy to solve, sometimes almost too easy, “I did things like that when I was sixteen, who?”

“Derek, but please…” Wes mutters and pleases Cassian with his eyes.

“I won’t tell him,” Cassian begins to say. “Since there is nothing to talk about, but at least they could ask her.” He points his chin in Jyn’s direction, she’s still busy explaining something to Wedge and now Cassian only suspects that Wedge is just the other ‘operative’ in this fishing mission. He’s here to distract Jyn and judging by the look on her face it’s working. Cassian has so much things to teach her still.

“And go over your back, man, there are some rules.” Wes answeres honestly looking at Cassian as he has lost his mind.

“You need to stop, all of you.” Cassian says half angry and half tired, this is not the first conversation about whether he’s or he isn’t with Jyn, and whether it’s ok to ask her out or it’s  not ok, it’s infuriating. “And for kriffing sake just ask her.”

“I’m too scared, I saw what she can do with a stick.” Janson answers honestly a small smile playing at his lips when he refocuses on his meal.

“Janson, not today.” Cassian only groans but the mental images are back. This day just can’t be any worse.

 

But it can.

 

Later that afternoon Cassian meets Jyn again in the Intelligence Office for briefing. He’s half hoping that they would get separate mission but since he’s her ‘instructor’ as Draven clearly stated the day Jyn signed in to the Alliance it’s highly unlikely. If there is any consolation it will probably be an easy mission since the command still didn’t clarify Jyn to the high-risk mission (much to her dislikes.)  

Jyn is sitting in the briefing room and Wes was right it’s actually a scout missions briefing since there are at least two squadrons of pilots around. And to Cassian greatest annoyance there is no other than Derek Klivian sitting next to Jyn.

Before Cassian knows what he’s doing he’s squeezing past all the pilots and other Intelligence Officers to where Jyn and Derek are sitting. Looking at the way their heads are angled toward each other they are talking about something. There is something inside Cassian that is very close to rage. Only during dinner Wes was talking about going behind his back and now Derek is just here… doing just that. But yes, you genius, you also told Wes that _there’s nothing to talk about_ Cassian’s subconscious is screaming at him.

But then he’s standing just next to them and Jyn catches a glimpse of him.

“Cassian.”

“Hi,” And nothing else escapes him. _Get out of here Derek, get lost, she’s taken. Or at least the chair is taken,_ say something you idiot his inside is screaming at Cassian but he just stands there and glares at them.

“Cassian?” There is an unspoken question in Klivian eyes. “ _Are you going to kill me?”_

“Derek.” The way Cassian speaks his name is an answer only Derek can read _“Probably.”_

“I think I better go, it was nice talking to you, Jyn.” Derek scrambles to his feet and sends an apologetic look in Jyn direction, he refuses to look at Cassian. Cassian knows that when he wants he can be intimidating, hell, he can be scary at times but he always thought he wouldn’t have reasons to show that side of him to Jyn, today it’s just not his day.

After the seat is empty and there is too much silence between Cassian and Jyn when they only look at each other. Jyn’s questioning eyes searching Cassian’s eyes on the answers about what the hell just happened here, Cassian’s eyes finally soften and he looks again at her with a small smile.

“Since the seat is not taken.” And he sits down by her side.

“You scared him off.” Jyn huffs at him but she’s not really angry at him he can tell that because the corners of her mouth are twitching with a hidden smile.

“Did I?” Cassian plays dumb, _of course I scared him off, I can be intimidating and persuading when I care about something_ , but he doesn’t say that he only adds in a light tone. “I’m sorry I will find him if you want.”

And he pretends to get up from the chair, Jyn’s eyes widen in surprise and she stops him fast. “No, there is no need.” But only then she looks at him closely and she can tell that he’s making fun of her.

“Really, pilots are great company, so I was told.” Cassian jokes and looks at her, Jyn’s eyes narrows.

“If you get me his comm number I may reconsider.” Jyn threatens to him, but Cassian only locks his eyes with her.

“I happen to lost it.”

Jyn only smiles, that small warm smile of her and Cassian heart starts beating faster. But he actually doesn’t care right now, it’s nice to be around her and judging by the look on her face after their last exchange she’s truly not interested in Derek comm number.

He decides that he has enough fighting against the force that collides him with Jyn’s path today. May at least cooperate with it for the rest of the day, there is ACTUALLY NOTHING WORSE that could happen.

 

In the back of the room Derek comes to Kyle Sarettii and speaks silently with him. Kyle only shakes his head and says something like “Now I will take care of this, I think that more pushing is in need actually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Tell me what you think, if you would be so kind. Still thanks for reading, two more chapters and there is a mission coming as a new story, Cassian and Jyn won’t leave me alone.


	9. The last to know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe he should looked at her, maybe when she would saw all the fear in his eyes she would understand, there were a lot of ‘maybes’ in his thoughts and now it was just too late. Draven only nodded his head and wrote something in the schedule. At the end of the briefing Jyn was listed to the scout mission to Takonda dealing with the supplies routes and Cassian was signed to go at the very mission he banned Jyn from - Snedarl Electronics.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t own anything I’m just having fun. I’m sorry for all the mistakes this is non – beta version I will correct it ASAP, but I just can’t wait to post this. So I’m sorry for all the mistakes. The second to last chapter is here!

**#9 The last to know**

* * *

 

“How could you, Cassian?” A very angry looking Jyn Erso bursts from the intelligence briefing room looking darkly at Cassian who is following her trying to look apologetic and reassuring at the same time and falling at both. He just looks nervous and somehow surprised.

“Jyn wait.” He almost yells after her because Jyn starts walking away from him without waiting for his answer. Cassian wants to give her some answers as soon as he would find them himself in his rebellious brain. He actually has no idea what made him say all the words in the now completed briefing.

“No I’m tired of listening to you; you can’t say anything that I just haven’t heard there.” Jyn screams at him turning around and locking her angry eyes with him, Cassian can see the hurt and betrayal in her green eyes and it’s even more distressing for him.

“You don’t understand.” He speaks the truth, partly he doesn’t understand his action but he needs to explain this to her.

“What Cassian? What I don’t understand?” Jyn spats at him. “That you just actively oppose to my first solo mission, that you for all the people said that I’m not ready.”

“It wasn’t my words.” He starts but she cuts him off.

“Doesn’t matter what you said exactly, that was the idea.” Jyn says her tone angry and hurtful, she can’t still believe in half of the things that just happened in the briefing room. She can’t understand why Cassian did that to her and to be honest she’s not ready to hear his answers.

“Let me explain.” Cassian speaks quietly his tone apologetic but it doesn’t work on Jyn right now. Now she wants to hurt him, preferably hard.

“No, I don’t need your explanation Cassian.” She informs him, and suddenly her eyes sadden and she continues. “What I needed was your support and I didn’t get that.”  

“Jyn, please.” Cassian pleas her for understanding, for the chance to explain, for some time to find and voice reasons for his action.

“I think I better go.” Jyn says a little quieter not looking into his eyes. “I have a scout mission to prepare to and for once I’m so happy that I’m not going with you.”

These last words hurt him almost physically but he knows he earned this, so he doesn’t even flinch. He just starts at her back when she’s leaving trying very hard not to run after her and beg for forgiveness. Yes, he is that desperate right now, he thinks darkly.

She storms in the opposite direction and disappears around a corner, Cassian only gaps at her open – mouthed, he wants nothing more than to kick himself hard.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want Jyn to go solo, he did, but he got somehow scared when he read the pre- operating plan and suddenly he imagined her all alone deep inside a well-guarded imperial facility and he just spoke the truth. Well maybe not exactly truth, but he spoke his fears and now he has to pay the consequences. The look that Jyn gave him when he was asked about opinion by Draven and he spoke that _“as long as he is concerned Jyn is not prepared enough for such an extended mission”_ was pure disbelieve and betrayal and he was too afraid to look again at her.

Maybe he should looked at her, maybe when she would saw all the fear in his eyes she would understand,  there were a lot of ‘maybes’ in his thoughts and now it was just too late. Draven only nodded his head and wrote something in the schedule. At the end of the briefing Jyn was listed to the scout mission to Takonda dealing with the supplies routes and Cassian was signed to go at the very mission he banned Jyn from -  Snedarl Electronics.

 

Cassian’s anger isn’t tempered the whole day. The busy preparation to the upcoming mission is a small distraction and Cassian can’t focus at all. The details that K are feeding him about the parts of the plan are getting nowhere when Cassian’s mind is elsewhere. He finally has enough of this dark and dull feeling inside him and grabs the datapad.

From: cap. Cassian Andor (AIO)

To: Lieut. Jyn Erso (AIO)

Jyn, please we need to talk, I’m leaving at 2000, please…

 

The datapad flashes an incoming message almost immediately.

From: Lieut. Jyn Erso (AIO)

To: cap. Cassian Andor (AIO)

I think I’ve heard enough, too busy dealing with lots of pilots now,

Good luck.

Cassian is looking at the screen debating whether he wants to throw that stupid device against the wall. Or should he just bang his own head over said wall?

“K, I need to go.” He informs the droid and throws the datapad on his bed when he gets up.

“Now? In the middle of the planning, Cassian what’s wrong with you?” K voice is very surprised even for droid standard, damn I programmed him too _humanly_ , Cassian thinks distracted.

“I need to do one thing.” He speaks walking to the door.

“It’s so not you.” K observes and he is right, almost as always.

“You are right K; lately I have problems with telling what is really me.” Cassian agrees his tone heavy, it’s so true what he just said. Lately there are two Cassians walking around Echo Base - the Cassian before meeting Jyn, and the Cassian after Jyn the one who is more emotional and reckless but also so much better to be around.

And he is off through the door, he almost runs into the hangar, and when he sees Jyn he starts walking in her direction. But then suddenly Bodhi comes into his way.

“I wouldn’t do it if I were you Cassian, she’s absolutely furious.” Bodhi says without as much as greeting, this is the first time that Bodhi actively stops Cassian to talk to Jyn. Normally whatever would happen between them Bodhi stood aside claiming that he had nothing to do with their quarrel but now he’s standing in Cassian’s way.

“What?” Cassian asks Bodhi his tone little unfriendly. “Did she say something?”

“She mostly barks at people since this morning.” Bodhi answers crossing his arms over his chest and looking pointedly at Cassian. ”And I, as well as better part of the pilots here, were at the briefing in the morning and … I kind of understand her.”

“What?” Cassian growls at him, does everyone has an opinion about his morning decision. Cassian doesn’t like this and he’s fighting the urge to scream to back off from his business. “Even you Bodhi? I didn’t want her to get hurt.”

“That part I understand,” Bodhi answers and looks at Cassian trying to sound light and not accusing because he can see the anger in Cassian’s eyes. “The part when you said she is unprepared and not ready I kind of don’t, if I’m to be honest.”

Cassian just gives up; somehow he knows that Bodhi is right. He actually said all of this, and he did ban Jyn form the mission and it was his fault no matter what reason he had this morning. He is just mad that he hasn’t had a chance to explain that to Jyn before they will go to separate mission. And he has some dark feeling inside him, nagging him to explain himself.

“Are you her pilot?” Cassian finally asks resigned.

“Yes, I specifically asked for that mission after you two left.” Bodhi answers, his eyes honest. Cassian just nods at him. It’s how Bodhi works, he doesn’t get in the middle but he helps when and how he can. Now he can help both of their friends, he can be with Jyn when she will be fuming and swearing Cassian’s decision (or Cassian) and he can help Cassian by reassuring him that he’s got Jyn’s back.

“Bodhi, take care of her, please.” Cassian asks seriously and looks into the pilots eyes. “When I finish I will try to mend this, but trust me the mission she was supposed to take was dangerous.”

“How?” Bodhi asks.

“Because I once was there and I still remember how difficult it is to infiltrate that imperial facility.” Cassian says darkly.

“I though they are making some electronic parts there.” Bodhi starts looking at Cassian for answers.

“Yes that’s true, but they are the parts that go to the main computers of the imperial ships and that is highly guarded facility, she would not make it of her own, and this is definitely not a mission for more than one person.”

“Tell it to Jyn.” Bodhi says darkly to Cassian.

“I tried, if she only listened to me.” Cassian signs in desperation and looks at Jyn who is busy checking the supplies crates that are being loaded to the Barloz Medium Freighter a little battered and rusty transport ship but still capable of taking few operatives to  the Tashtor sector without any problems. Jyn’s occupied making some last preparation and purposely not looking at Cassian, or maybe she doesn’t notice him because she has her hands full. To be honest Cassian somehow knows she is perfectly aware of his present in the hangar but she is refusing to look at him, that fact hurts him even more. Then Bodhi interrupts his train of thoughts.

“Now, my friend, it’s not possible. She would probably hit you…hard.”

Cassian sights and smiles despite himself, that’s probably true. Cassian will not risk his and Jyn’s reputation by going to her and making anther scene because he is sure there will be some yelling and most probably he would be hit this time. He will spare himself and her humiliation, it was enough of this at the morning briefing. When he will be back, he’ll deal with her no matter how hard she is going to hit him, he kind of deserves this.

“Take care of her Bodhi.” Cassian asks his friend again his eyes serious.

“I’ll. And Cassian who is going to Snedarl Electronics?” Bodhi asks just when Cassian is about to leave the hangar.

“Me.” Comes Cassian’s answer and somehow hangs between the two men. Bodhi’s eyes winded in surprise and fear and he looks at Cassian as he wants to say something but Cassian doesn’t need his worried face so he leaves the hangar trying very hard to steal the last glance of Jyn.

 

Cassian is off the hangar after that uneasy conversation, some small part of him is relieved that Bodhi will be with Jyn on this mission, she will be save. And there are more than enough other pilots and operatives to secure the new routes for the supplies from Takonda and the sector or to find other routes if they needed. Now Cassian must focus on his mission which will not be pretty if he doesn’t start planning and focusing his mind to it. Leaving the hangar he runs into Kyle.

“Kyle, are you too coming to Takonda?” He asks his friend half hoping he does, because he could specifically ask him to watch over Jyn.

“No I’m grounded here, we are waiting for some information from Sullust Van shipyards and I need to be here ready to go save my cover at Kuat.” Kyle answers frustrated, he would very much like to go on this route supplies mission because it’s so much difference from imposing an imperial officer for months. Kyle for once would like to be a rebel more than few days when he is at base.

“It would get complicated if you lost all the connection there, how long is it? Three years?” Cassian asks and he could see that Kyle has enough of this mission so he is trying to reason with Kyle’s reckless mind not to act on boredom or emotions. Kyle is just undeniably great at being an imperial officer, always has been, ever since they ended up on Carida Academy together Cassian could tell that being an imperial was Kyle second nature. But Cassian also knows that his friend loathes the Empire even more than Cassian, being orphaned by the imperial purge on his home planet and having lost his loved ones form the imperial hands.

“Almost, and it’s really nice to be Ithan Hayes, but sometimes…” Kyle says and doesn’t end the sentence because Cassian actually knows what he wants to say. _Sometimes I’m losing who I truly am and that is when its start to be difficult._  

“I know.” Cassian says and smiles at his friend, being an operative on Kuat has some great parts… meaning women and Kyle had never complained on that part of the mission.

“And you? Snedarl Electronics is far, are you sure you don’t need any company? I think I know some green eyed girl who would benefit from this training exercise, but I also saw what you have done in the morning.” Kyle informs Cassian and as much as he is trying to sound lightly there is a harsh undertone in his voice. Cassian’s anger returns in a heartbeat.

“And you don’t approve it, join the line.” Cassian barks at him and suddenly without really wanting to do it he starts explaining himself to Kyle. “I’ve just had a similar conversation with Bodhi and I think one is more than enough.”

“Why are you so stress my friend?” Kyle says with a smile.  “I didn’t say I don’t approve anything, I’m not the one who should be approving anything; I just think that you need to state your reasons to said girl before she’ll come to odd conclusions.”

“I tried but … she won’t speak to me and that is all what I can do.” Cassian speaks darkly not really looking at his friend. This situation is hard enough without all other people meddling about this and speaking their minds.

“Cassian you know that I’m your friend, and you know that I kind of like Jyn but there is seriously something mixed up between you two and you need to work it out. And if you say that you don’t know what I’m talking about I’ll hit you.” Kyle finally says and looks pointedly at Cassian. Cassian starts back at him and there is a long pause between these two friends.

“Fine, whatever, I need to go.” Cassian finally gives up and starts to walk away.

“Sooner or later Cassian you would have to decide what you want.” Kyle yells at him his words well weighted.

“Apparently not today,” Cassian turns around his eyes dark and tired. _Don’t push my friend, I have enough for this day_ he wants to say but he only looks at Kyle and ads. “Stay safe Kyle.”

“Same to you my friend.” Kyle only nods his head.  

 

Cassian decides that he has enough of good advices for the day and just stays in the U wing for preparation and going over the plans and maps of the  Snedarl Electronics facility for the rest of the day. K2 volunteers to bring him something to eat so he doesn’t need to go to the mess. An hour before the departure time Cassian is almost ready, focused and determined and all professional. The thoughts of Jyn pushed at the dark corners of his mind and sealed tightly so as not to get in the way. He is feeling almost as his old self, composed and focused and all master spy mode. But only then when he is sitting staring at the slowing rush in the hangar when all the crew members that don’t have the evening duty are leaving and going for the well-earned rest Cassian has some dark thought of not seeing Jyn ever again. She left couple of hours ago in a large grope which would be scattered in Tashtor sector to scout new supplies routes. It is a simple mission Cassian is convincing himself juggling with his datapad from hand to hand. Suddenly he makes up his mind flashes the screen and starts typing a massage.

From: cap. Cassian Andor (AIO)

To: Lieut. Jyn Erso (AIO)

Jyn,

I know you are at radio silence and I would be deep in the Phelleen sector when you will be reading this. I wish you could understand my reasons for taking that mission from you, but well I know you well enough to know that you would probably stop listening in the middle of me trying to reason with you. It’s dangerous and difficult. And I know and believe that you are brave and very capable of doing great on your own I just couldn’t say ‘yes’ to this. I was selfish for the first time in my life and I decided to save what I find important to me, and this is your life. The thought of not being able to help you and save you since there could be only one operative in Snedarl Electronics was the source of my panic. And I panicked and act on it and I’m sorry for that.

But I’m not sorry for the fact that you are far safer dealing with ‘lots of pilots’ right now.

Please be safe, and I’m not even asking you to understand me or forgive me, I simple needed YOU to know why I did what I did.

I’m sorry,

Cassian.

 

**24 hours later,**

**Phellen sector**

**Snedarl Electronic**

The sound of the alarm is so deafening that Cassian can’t think about anything else than this sound to stop. But he definitely has more pressing matters to attend. He is actually pressing a hastily made patch to his deeply wounded and profoundly bleeding side hoping against hope that he would not lose his conscious before he could send a massage to K.

The mission started extremely easy, he infiltrated the facility imposing as high security officer and everything was going great until now. It was his final hours in Snedarl Electronic, he had checked the security room twice before he had all the schedules of guards and droids memorized and suddenly something changed. It was too late when he discovered that the facility was receiving inspections from the nearest Imperial governor office and the security standards were doubled. And just when he was making a copy of the files in the back of the security office he was seen and shut on the spot by two security officers who entered the room. Cassian somehow managed to kill them both but the sounds and commotion raised the alarm he was hearing right now and all he could do was lock himself in the room.

But there are at least two major problems in this situation. The first being an extended burn and bleeding at his left side starting just above a third rib and going down almost to the hip bone, blaster riffle would do that to you. And the second problem is: there is no escape way from this room except form that locked door and judging  by the sounds outside there is at least a contingent of stormtroopers and probably other security officers outside fighting against the armored door.

Cassian looks around trying at the same time to assess how much time he had left before he would lose conscious and that will probably be his finish. He has problems with breathing, the blast probably hurt his lungs and there is a lot of blood coming from the wound, the hastily made patch (from his shirt) is soaked with blood and there is a fresh poodle of this red vital liquid on the floor. _I need to get out of here, now_ he is thinking frantically. He secures the data disc in his jacket‘s inside pocket and takes the comlink.

“K2.” Cassian starts his voice hoarse.

“Cassian, I thought we are on radio salience.” K’s answer is almost immediate.

“We were until now, how far are you.” Cassian asks, he doesn’t want to cause panic but he will have to tell K that he would probably doesn’t make it to the ship.

“At the east landing bay, you don’t have the tracking device on you, so I can’t tell you exact how far from you”

“K, there is a small problem…” Cassian says and supers a cough and he can taste blood in his mouth, _It’s bad_ he thinks and looks at his soaking shirt being pressed to his side. _IT’S VERY BAD_.

“I can hear the alarms.” K informs him, but Cassian cuts him and says.

“Yes that’s too, but I have a …hole at my side and I don’t know if I can manage to escape this room.”

“Cassian!” If droid could panic that would be the sound.

“Now is not the time K, find the structural plans of the building mark my position from the comlink and please tell me there is another way from here, and do it fast.” Cassian gasps to the communicator and prays that he doesn’t lose consciousness soon.

“How fast Cassian?” K2 asks to be specific.

“I’m starting to have trouble with vision, and there is a contingent of soldiers outside the door.” Cassian says matter of factly and breaths heavily since his lungs probably doesn’t get enough blood to circulate oxygen.

“Fast it is, please don’t die Cassian.” K informs him in this specific K tone which means that he actually cares about something.

Cassian sits down on the floor because his legs are giving up on him and this sends another wave of pain through his side to the rest of his body, if it wasn’t for the adrenaline he would probably pass out just form the pain. There are long couple of minutes when Cassian focus on his breathing and on the raging of his heart which has not enough blood to pump and then his comlink springs to life.

“There is an air vent leading strait to the next room and further down the corridor if you crawl far enough you will get to the last room on the east side and there is a window there. I will be waiting in the ship to take you.” K speaks and Cassian can hear, or he only imagines this, how tense his droid friend is.

“I will try.” Cassian says his voice tired.

Cassian stands up and all his body screams at him not to do it, hot white strikes of pain almost paralyses him and forbids him to move but he just bites his teeth and pulls a desk form the wall and uses it as a support to unlock the air vent hatch. The air vent tunnel isn’t big, but if Cassian will be crawling and keep his head low he manages. At least if he would have enough strength in his body to do it. He jumps in and groans with pain when he had to squeeze himself to the tiny square opening. When he is inside he starts to crawl and with every pull he can feel that something important is ripped apart inside him, if he survives this mission he will stay in the bacta tank for day. And if he survived that mission he would be grateful and he would not complain any minutes of the treatment, he promises to himself. The first couple of meters are not a problem but the further he is the more ragged and heavy his breathing is and the more his eyesight becomes to blur.

“K, I don’t think I will make it.” He gasps into the communicator, white and black dots playing before his eyes, his lungs are on fire and his heart trying to escape his ribs (and since there is a massive hole at his life side, his heart has an actual chance to escape.)

“Cassian you have like five meters top till the room.” If K was human he would be pleading him now.

“Tell that to my body, my friend.” Cassian is lying on his back and he is staring at the air vent celling (if that tunnel has celling) wondering absent- mindly how this situation is a stupid way to die. He wasn’t annihilated on the beach at Scarif but he would bleed to death in some metal tube in the middle of imperial facility. _Life is unfair sometimes_ Cassian thinks. At the last angry thought he rolls at his knees and elbows and start to crawl a little further but he can feel how weak he is. His muscles are trembling and he can’t feel his legs entirely. Then again he collapses but this time he doesn’t have the strength to roll on his back. He coughs and he can taste blood on his tongue. _That’s it, I’m done, there will be no miracle escaping this time,_ Cassian’s thoughts are floating haphazardly in his mind the last coherent though is the fact that he is so happy that Jyn didn’t go on this mission. The thought of her lying in this vent all bleeding and alone are invading his mind and the memory of her green eyes makes him moves a little further. Suddenly something breaks under him and he is falling down. He is preparing for an impact with the ground but a pair of strong metallic arms catches him before he hits the ground. Cassian subconsciously registers K2 standing in a very demolished room holding him in his outstretched arms, shockingly there is no east wall of the room, apparently K just shoot his way into the building. _It is one way to invade the imperial facility I need to remember that for future, if I have any,_ Cassian considers and it almost makes him smile. Then he focuses his rapidly narrowing vision on K2SO.

“K, please tell Jyn...” Cassian quiet voice is barely comprehensible.

“I will not tell her anything,” K starts almost offended. “You will tell her yourself, I happen to have problems with communicating with lieutenant Erso.”

“Now is not the time…” And that is enough for his strained and battered body, Cassian passes out when K is dragging his unconscious body to the U-wing which the droid somehow parked next to the missing wall.

**Two days later**

**Echo Base, Hoth**

 

When the scout group lands in the west hangar of Echo Base, K2SO is waiting for the Barloz Freighter to touch ground and the ramp to the cargo hold is opened. He is feeling uneasy and absolutely out of place but he can’t stop replaying the last conversation with Cassian in his circuits. And as much as he doesn’t want to talk with Jyn because this always leads to some kind of quarrel or other dispute when lots of invective words are used K2 feels he needs to be here.

Since Kyle was absent, because K2 specifically check if captain Sarettii was on base the minute he escorted unconscious Cassian to the medbay. K2 was hoping that Kyle would be the one standing here right now. The crew of the ship leaves the cargo hold and there is also Jyn Erso walking among them. She has a cut on her lower lip but nothing more and K is somehow relieved that she is unharmed. She is talking to some pilot form Rouge Squadron, K remembers him as Wes Jonson and only after some time she acknowledges K2  presence. Her eyes narrows at the sight of him and then widens with fear. She excuses herself from Wes and almost runs to K now.

“Where is he, K?” Jyn almost yells at the poor droids coming in halt before him, the height difference is hilarious to any bystanders but Jyn’s fear makes her more intimidating than the 2.16 meters tall droid.

 “How? Doesn’t matter, he is in the medbay.” K2 informs her and even he is surprised how fast this little woman can be. Jyn is sprinting over the white corridors of Echo Base trying to calm her frantically beating heart. _What is she going to see in the medbay? What happened? Does she have a chance to tell him that she understands and forgave him his decision?_ _Does she have a time to tell him not to leave her, that she will not survive this?_ All that thoughts are pounding in her head when she comes to stop in the medbay. She grabs  the first medic that comes her way.

“Cassian Andor.” She pants trying to catch her breath, at the same time she is fighting with traitorous tears that come to her eyes.

“Second door on the left.” There is no one stopping her or even asking her what is she doing here and to be honest she simply doesn’t care, she can only think about one thing, and it’s Cassian.

Cassian can hear the commotion in the corridor and has only enough time to opens his eyes when a very white faced Jyn Erso bursts into his room. Then she stops in the doorway and just for the longest minute she just stares at him and Cassian is staring back. Million thoughts come to his mind and none of these thought can be voiced in this moment. And then Jyn springs back to life and rushes toward him and without thinking she throws herself in his arms mumbling something that sounds like _I’m sorry and I’m so glad you are alive_. But her words are muffed by his shoulder and the fact that she is squeezing him rather hard and the freshly healed left side of his body is screaming in protest but he just bites his teeth. If this is the price to hold her in his arms he will deal with the pain unless he will lose consciousness from it.

“Ouch, that hurts” Cassian finally can’t stand the crushing feeling of her body as much as he hates that she is pulling away he is thankful that he can breathe again.

“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Jyn is scrambling to her feet from his bed trying to look apologetic and hides the creeping flush that is rising at her cheeks. She touches the bandages at his bare torso  without thinking caressing softly the white material. Cassian is looking at her hand completely at loss, the pain totally gone the thought of her hand on his body the only thing that is in his mind right now.

“No, it’s just fresh. Come on you can sit down.” He answers finally patting the spot next to him on the bed, “Just no more unexpected body contact.” He is joking but the look on her face tells him that it’s too soon; he can see that her eyes are wet and frightened and this is undeniably the most amazing sight in the galaxy. If he needed to almost bleed out in some metal tube at the far end of the galaxy to see her like that, all flushed and trembling and in his arms, he would do it again. There is something seriously wrong with him.

Jyn sits down and looks at him sheepishly. Then she takes deep breath and starts talking.

“I read your massage, and well I’m still mad at you about the way you protected me, but… thank you. Never in my life I had someone who wanted to protect me just because he cared and I think I need to get used to it.” She speaks honestly not looking at him but playing with the hem of his cover blanket. She doesn’t have the courage to look at him, what if he sees her through? What if he sees all the hidden emotion: the relief, the fear, the happiness and mostly the love she is feeling right now.

“You and me both, Jyn.” Cassian answers slowly and forces her to look at him by taking her hand in his. Jyn finally looks at him. There is time for talking and time for action and Cassian decides that this is the second situation. He pulls her closer and he can feel no resistance from her, his heart is hammering against his ribcage and in normal circumstances it would hurt but he can’t feel absolutely nothing expect Jyn’s hand in his and can see only her green eyes coming closer.

And just when something inevitable has a chance to happen, when there are like mere inches apart them, the door to Cassian’s room slides open and a very smug looking K2 walks in.

“I found her Cassian,” only then K looks on the two human beings very close in their personal space. “Oh I can see that she found you too.”

Jyn can swear that there is something murderous in Cassian’s eyes when he looks at his droid but she only pulls away from him and withdraws to the save distance on his bed. She is sure that one more minute alone and they would be kissing senseless on that very small bed but now with K ruining the moment there is a small chance for that.

But there is something between them, and it’s mutual, and Jyn just can’t stop grinning about that. She isn’t the only one who has acted on feelings now and something inside her almost burst form happiness at the thought of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think, and again sorry for all the mistakes, I will correct them ASAP but I just needed to post this, because I’m kind of proud of this chapter. Thanks for reading and still being with me on this crazy journey.


	10. A little more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Kyle and Cassian have actually met? How Kyle would react when he found out that his friend went for a suicidal mission?   
> And how our dear Kyle will be meddling and plotting for Jyn and Cassian to finally see the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is here, also no beta so I will correct it ASAP and I’m sorry for all the mistakes. When I started this story I had one chapter and Kyle, now I have ten chapters and still I have Kyle inside my head begging me for more. Thank YOU all who read and review, YOU people rock and… I think there will be more. Next part is RATHER BE ME (feel free to read it). Thanks for reading.

**#10 A little more…**

* * *

 

2 days ABY

Alliance Base, Yavin IV

 

„Andor we need to talk”

At the sound of this voice Cassian bangs his head at the underbody of his new U -wing he’s currently lying under (actually the U – wing is not new hence so much work to be done around it). He knows this voice and he can tell that certain someone is angry.

An angry looking handsome man is coming to a stop in front of the U wing. His dark hair is the same shade as Cassian’s and his eyes are the same dark brown, his wearing a bothered corellian jacket and he’s oozing that Corelian easiness around him, now very much pissed off. He crosses his arms over his chest and starts darkly at Cassian.

“Kyle.” Cassian emerges from under the ship massaging his bruised head. At the same time Jyn peers from the cargo hold of the U – wing looking questioningly at both men. She’s looking at the newcomer then back at Cassian and for a few seconds she’s wondering why he hadn’t mention he’s got a brother. But then Cassian’s words are ringing in her ears _“you’re not the only one who lost everything”_ and _“my whole family died on Fest when I was six.”_ So, this could not be his brother, then who is he?

Cassian looks at his friend and then back at Jyn and he swears involuntarily under his breath. Judging by the look on Kyle’s face and the tone of his voice Kyle’s just found out about Scarif. It will not be a pleasant conversation.

“Cassian?” Jyn sends him a questioning look and jumps form the ship.

Kyle looks between Jyn and Cassian his eyes narrowing. Jyn starts back at newcomer her chin raised and her posture defensive. She doesn’t know why this man is so hostile toward her but she can clearly sense that.

“Kyle, this is Jyn Erso.” Cassian introduces the man and he notices how Kyle’s eyes are narrowing at the sound of Jyn’s name. Cassian continues fast because he can sense disaster in the air. “And Jyn this is captain Kyle Sarettii, my friend.”

“That last is yet to be confirmed given the stunt you have just pulled.” Kyle angry voice is laced with fury and something deep.

“Kyle this is not the best time.” Cassian warns him sending him a dark look. Cassian knows it was coming but he was sure he had more time before Kyle would be back. Apparently, the time is up.

“There is no good time for what I want to tell you Andor.” Kyle pins Cassian with a stern glare.

“I think I better go.” Jyn says quietly trying to judge what the hell is going on and if she should stay and defend Cassian. But this man, this Kyle, he doesn’t look like his anger comes from hate, is more like hurt and betrayal in his eyes.

“You should better.” Kyle addresses Jyn not really looking at her and Jyn wants nothing more than to kick his ass. But Cassian only shakes his head like he could read her mind, and mutters ’it’s good’. Jyn nods her head and walks past Kyle but not without looking at him darkly and adding. ”If you’re asking so nicely.”

Kyle turns after Jyn ready to bark something back but Cassian’s voice stops him.

“Leave her Kyle, she will kick your ass” Cassian warns his friend. “And it’s not a figure of speech.”

“Are you insane Cassian?” Kyle spins around from glaring at retrieving Jyn and he looks back at Cassian all previous anger back in his eyes. “Do you have a mental illness that would explain what I’ve just heard?”

“I don’t think so…” Cassian says looking honestly into his friend’s eyes. “What do you want me to say?”

“Explain, why the first thing I heard when I landed is that my friend is a miraculously saved hero of the rebellion who almost die in arms of a girl on a suicide mission? You can start with that.” Kyle spats at him and Cassian winces at his words.

“I’m no hero and there was no dying in anyone’s arms.” Cassian speaks fast and he can tell that he’s not very convincing.

Kyle crosses his arms over his chest and then something flashes in his eyes.

“It was her?” He asks pointing at the hangar exit.

“Yes, it was Jyn.” Cassian says his tone warningly. Kyle just stares at him, and Cassian knows he’s in deep trouble, as much he can put the master spy mask in front of everyone, even Jyn, he and Kyle practices and learned to hide their feeling together. So, if there is someone who can read him is Kyle. And now Kyle can tell how much Cassian is trying to make Jyn irrelevant and how much he’s falling to do it.

“Don’t tell me you did it for a girl?” Kyle asks in disbelieve. Kyle knows that Cassian can be devoted and passionate but it’s always been the Alliance, there was once a very long time ago some girl in Cassian’s life but it was old times and she was no longer with the Alliance. And now Kyle finds out about all this mess.

“What? No I don’t know what are you talking about?” Cassian answers back, too fast for his own liking _, did he actually do it for a girl?_ _No! I did that for the rebellion, and for myself_ he thinks fast justifying his actions but then some small voice inside him whispers … _and for the girl._

“Then explain.” Kyle finally asks his voice desperate, he really wants to hear some answers.

“I don’t know what I need to explain. They didn’t want to do it, they weren’t going to Scarif, if there weren’t for us…” Cassian starts saying but Kyle cuts him off.

“I’m not talking about justifying the mission. I know why we needed the plans. I’m asking why did you decide to get yourself killed and you didn’t even send me a massage.”

“You were on Kuat, deep undercover…” Cassian informs him, deep inside Cassian feels guilty. He knows what Kyle has in mind, a long time ago they made a promise to each other and Cassian just broke it. But he survived and he’s here so maybe he will be able to talk his way out if this.

“And you decided to go on a suicide mission. What do you think would happen now, when you were dead?” Kyle asks him expecting an answer because he really can’t image being informed that his friend since he was sixteen has died in some crazy but brave attempt to save the galaxy.

“I’m not dead.” Cassian answers stubbornly, maybe if he says that one more time Kyle would let go.

“If I heard correctly you might, you were lucky.”

“As always Kyle.” Cassian answers jokingly, he’s trying very hard not to talk so serious.

“I hated it Cassian, the things people told me after I came to the base. I almost didn’t believe them at first.” Kyle speaks a little more quietly and a little more reason in his words. “We talk about that Cass, and you know what? You left me.”

“You weren’t here.” Cassian tries the last time to reason with Kyle. What was he supposed to do, send his friend a good-bye massage? Cassian would not be able to do that, no matter what they promised a long time ago he would not be able to write last words to Kyle, because he had absolutely no idea what he supposed to write then, and now he still doesn’t know what he want to tell him. Because to be honest Cassian is still pondering at half of the things that happened since he was sent to Jedha with Jyn.

“You too could no longer be here Cassian and I’d find out about that from a mission report.” Kyle’s words hurt and Cassian knows he deserves that.

“Kyle…” It is as much to ‘ _I’ m sorry’_ Cassian could get right now.

“I don’t care, I don’t need your apology, you were lucky, you’re alive and I have that Erso girl to thank for that but I still hate the way you left me in the dark, I thought we were friends.”

“We are.” Cassian speaks honestly and almost begs Kyle with his eyes to let go.

“Think for a second my friend, and just for a second revers the situation, do you like what you see?” Kyle asks him his tone lighter but still serious, they somehow both are siting now in the door to the cargo hold of the U – wing. Cassian doesn’t even remember who sat first.

“Not exactly, point taken, but Kyle it was happening so fast.” Cassian answers quietly his tone tired, he can tell that Kyle is right, he truly didn’t like the idea of Kyle going on some suicide mission and he – Cassian was the last one who found out about that.

“As I say I don’t need your apology, I just needed to yell at you.” Kyle finally smiles at his friend, his eyes, same dark brown and serious as Cassian’s, are still little hurtful but his famous Corelian smirk is back on his face. 

“You just did.” Cassian smiles back, it’s amazing how much these two are similar to each other.

“And I feel only slightly better, and speaking of the Erso girl, are you two a thing?” Kyle asks and Cassian almost chokes on breathing.

“What?” He couches the question. “No, why are you asking me that?”

“People talk about you two.” Kyle informs him looking closely at Cassian still wearing the famous smirk, Cassian starts sweating under Kyle’s searching gaze. As he was thinking before Cassian can fool almost everyone expect this one.

“I hate that, as we didn’t have more important things to do than spreading rumors.” Cassian plays offence, but Kyle only smiles wider.

“Being a hero tends to do something like that.” Kyle starts and he can tell how much he’s just pulling Cassian’s strings, _Andor, you’re so easy sometimes_ Kyle thinks amusingly.

“I’m no hero, nor is Jyn.” Cassian speaks fast and too serious. Kyle only laughs at laud at this and says.

“Oh, yeah your rebel girl,” He pats Cassian shoulder as for reassurance but Cassian only narrows his eyes at him, “You my friend rebel for a girl! Andor if this is not love…”

“Shut up.” Cassian huffs at him and starts gathering the tools scattered around the U- wing just to busy his hands. Kyle has that uncanny ability to see real Cassian and as much as Cassian likes his friend the thing with Jyn is complicated enough without Sarettii’s skillful meddling with that.

 

Later this evening Kyle and Cassian are sitting in a mess hall talking about Kyle’s last mission, the thing about Scarif still fresh between them when Jyn and Bodhi walk in. Cassian spots her the moment she comes to the dinner and he’s wondering if it’s alright to introduce Kyle one more time. Usually Sarettii is a very well behaving man especially around women, Cassian thinks reassuringly and then motions at Jyn to come to their table. He can tell that she hesitates a little but then she comes closer but she doesn’t sit down. At this moment Kyle gets up.

“I think an apology is in order lieutenant Erso, this here,” Kyle motions in the direction of Cassian and continues. “Told me everything and I think I have You to thank for hauling his ass from Scarif and saving him, I’m sorry for my morning behavior.”

Jyn only stares at Kyle as she was judging if he’s speaking the truth, then she looks at Cassian who only shrugs his shoulders as saying _‘bear with him, he’s just like that’_ and then Jyn smiles at Kyle.

“Well, if you put it that way captain Sarettii apology accepted but to be honest I happen to haul Cassian but it was Bodhi who saved us both.”

“Then I need to thank you to.” Kyle turns to Bodhi and holds his hand at the former imperial pilot Bodhi is so surprised that he doesn’t know what to do with his tray but after some fidgeting he finally takes Kyle’s hand and shakes it.

Jyn and Bodhi sit at the table and a heavy silence lingers around the table. Jyn is secretly looking at both Kyle and Cassian wondering how they’ve met and what is it between them that Kyle was so angry this morning and Bodhi just openly gaps at the two men.

“Are you to brothers or something like this?” Bodhi finally asks the question Jyn wanted to ask since she first saw Kyle by the U – wing this morning.

“What?” Cassian asks and both Cassian and Kyle burst into laughter, Cassian continues. “No, we are not related, I think so, but you’re not the only one who asks the same question. Kyle is Corellian, I’m from Fest, we met in the Alliance forces when we were sixteen and well… I hated this guy.” Cassian finishes with a wide grin on his face, a sight which makes Jyn almost chocked at the meal she just starts eating. It’s truth that she doesn’t know Cassian long but she could do everything to see that grin on his face again.

“The feeling was mutual.” Kyle smiles back at Cassian and they share that special look that only people who survived a lot together can share.

“Thanks mate.” Cassian jokes and pretends to look offended. 

“What?” Kyle shrugs his shoulders and continues. “It’s true, he was so proper that he almost recited the rules and guides to the alliance officer by heart.”

At this both Bodhi and Jyn almost choke with laughter, Cassian is half mad at Kyle that he makes fun of him but hearing Jyn’s laughter he almost doesn’t mind. There were so few times that he could  hear that sound and now Cassian decides that he definitely likes Jyn’s laughter.

“You broke all the rules that were possible.” He accuses his friend but it’s not serious.

“And even the ones which weren’t possible but I was trying,” Kyle agrees with Cassian and adds. “Shut up Andor it was long time ago and … it ended well.”

“I need to hear all of this.” Jyn says to Kyle her eyes sparkle and Cassian is half amused half embarrass that Jyn actually wants to hear about his past.

“A little bribe rebel girl and I will spill all dark secrets of this one.” Kyle informs Jyn with a wink of his eye and Cassian instantly feels alarmed, he knows that Kyle would never say anything that Cassian actually didn’t want to see the light of day, but there are some stories that Kyle would find amusing… and Cassian definitely not, he doesn’t know how Jyn would react to the sixteen years old him and some stupidity of those times. 

“If you won’t shup up I may actually kill you this time.” Cassian threatens his friend more as a warning to shut up than an actual life threat.

Kyle looks at Cassian and for a second Jyn thinks that they will actually start to fight but Cassian only smiles at his friend, a kind of smile that Jyn had never seen before and waves his hands as giving permission.

“We met when we were sixteen and they forced us to go to Carida Academy as an infiltration mission.” Kyle starts telling the story but Jyn cuts in.

“Sixteen?”

“Yes, we started young. It was our first solo mission as a younger alliance officers, even Alliance knows that sixteen years old boys shouldn’t actually fight, so they made us minor spies. And it was brilliant we needed to stay at the imperial academy, learned all their trainings and methods and after a completed training just deflect from the assigned unit and come back home.” Kyle continues and Cassian has an amazing excuse just to stare at Jyn form across the table. A habit he acquainted ever since he was released from the med bay after Scarif. She and Bodhi are completely focused at Kyle talking.

“Unfortunately, we were paired up, pairs were easier because there was someone who looked at your back, and this is how I met him. We were forced to work together because we were at the same age and we kind of looked similar. So, the Alliance made as brothers, gave us false documents that sated that and fed as the most important information. But let’s be honest we didn’t start nice.”

“No, we didn’t,” Cassian continues when Kyle stops his part. “At the first briefing, we broke into a fight and captain Dorien needed to separate us. Captain Dorien was our instructor in the Alliance cell on Ord Trasi, they dealt mostly with war orphans and it was there where we met. Dorien decided that we were a good enough operative pair and after two weeks of intensive imperial training we were sent to Carida.”

“Training? You just said that you were trained at Carida.” Jyn asks them, and it’s Kyle who answers her.

“Yes, we were taught the imperial military training there but before that we needed to sell the story that we were brothers and we were from Corellian system. So, Cassian had to lose his festian accent and me, well I needed to learn to behave more like an imperial upbringing teenager as I wasn’t on Corellia since I was eight.”

“Did you lose the accent?” Jyn questions looking at Cassian, she happens to like his accent. But she will never say this to him.

“Absolutely,” Cassian starts speaking and there is no trace of his festian accent in his voice. „It was difficult but still when I have to I’m a perfect imperial officer form deep core words.”

“Wow.” Bodhi speaks amazed, Jyn only looks at him her eyes surprised and kind of astonished. Cassian feels smug at this moment and it makes him warm inside.

“Yes, it’s impressive, but not as much as speaking Durese,” Kyle dismisses Cassian performance with a wave of his hand. And Cassian continues in his normal voice.

“It was easy to pretend to be brothers; it was more difficult not to kill each other in the meantime. But then he kind of grown on me and I happen to have a good influence on him.”

“Yeah you wish.” Kyle snorts and looks disbelievingly at Cassian, but the last one continues without flinching.

“Most of the time, and well we came back alive form Carida after two years with top imperial training, a lieutenant rank in the Imperial Navy forces and very happy to be back home in the Alliance. But the brother thing kind of stick to us.”

“And now your story.” Kyle asks eagerly looking at Jyn expectantly.

“There is nothing to tell.” Jyn answers honestly looking at Cassian for confirmation.

“It’s either your story, or I had to believe in all the gossips flying around the base.” Kyle says seriously but his eyes sparkle with mischief.

“Gossips?” Jyn asks carefully.

“Yeah, dying in each other arms, stealing ship for a girl, bad influences and heroes of the rebellion, that kind of gossips.” Kyle informs her and looks how her eyes widen in the process, next to him Cassian groans audibly and Bodhi tries to look at anything but Cassian and Jyn.

“What?” Jyn asks and looks between Kyle and Cassian expecting answers.

“OK, Kyle we got the picture…” Cassian informs his friend trying very hard not to look at Jyn because somehow, he can feel hot all of the sudden. He knows that rebels like to talk but he doesn’t especially like to be the topic of these conversations. So just to shut up Kyle he starts talking about extracting mission on Wobani, the part with the shovel and Melshi gets Kyle’s full attention and the topic of ‘dying in each other arms’ is thankfully forgotten.

For the time being…

 

Approximately three months ABY

Echo Base, Hoth.

Kyle walks into the mess hall this evening on Echo Base and he’s momentary froze in spot. The tables had been pushed to the walls to make some open space for dancing people and there is a crowd of people of all ranks and profession in the mess hall dancing, talking and apparently drinking judging by the way some of them swagger. There is apparently some celebration but Kyle has no idea and hasn’t heard of any. Maybe because he’s just landed but still he’s good at knowing when and where there is a party and now he’s feeling personally offended by this gathering and that he wasn’t notified in a first place. Then he spots Cassian a few meters in the hall the same shocked look on his face. Kyle walks to him and asks.

“What are we celebrating exactly?”

“I have no idea I just came in.” Cassian answers not really looking at Kyle but scanning the crowd and the hastily made up dancing floor. He’s searching for someone and Kyle has a pretty good idea who his friend is looking for. Kyle walks to the nearest table and sits heavily on a chair, Cassian reminds standing still looking around.

“Who cares, if there is a celebration we may as well celebrate” Kyle grabs the bottle of some poor quality alcohol. “Are you drinking or sitting?”

“Sitting.” Cassian answers and finally sits by his friend.

“So I will be drinking then.“ Kyle says happily, and narrows his eyes at Cassian. “What’s wrong with you did you lose your rebel girl?”

“What? I didn’t lose anyone I just looking… never mind what is that you drinking.” Cassian busies himself with a glass and pours some brown liquid, then he tastes it and momentarily regrets this. It’s awful and it burns its way to his stomach. “That’s bad.” He comments.

“I drank worse, speaking of rebel girls yours over there in that swarm of pilots.” Kyle informs him and points with his chin; Cassian’s head spins so fast that he can almost hear his neck snaps. There she’s, Jyn is exactly where Kyle said in a swarm of pilots dancing and laughing with Bodhi at her side. That explains why she’s with pilots not at Cassian’s table, lately Bodhi likes to spend time with his new pilot friends and apparently Jyn likes keeping him company. And she’s dancing which is absolutely stunning to Cassian. “Doesn’t she report to you?”

“She doesn’t have to repot in the base, Kyle.” Cassian states the obvious and he knows that Kyle is just making him angry on purpose. Sometimes he hates the way Kyle takes care of things, only the years spent with his _character_ stops Cassian from killing him sometimes.

“I doubt that she’s actually reporting to you during missions, is she?” Kyle asks his tone light his smirking at Cassian and Cassian can’t help and smirks back.

“Occasionally.” Cassian finally answers to Kyle and for a long moment just stares at Jyn. He’s oblivious to Kyle watching him closely and suddenly Kyle’s words bring Cassian back to their table.

“Sooner or later you will get yourself killed, you or her because the level of misunderstandings between you two is closely to an alarming level.”

“I don’t know what are you talking about.” Cassian answers fast and notice that this line he uses a lot  more often than he actually wants regarding to Jyn.

“You know perfectly well what I’m talking about my friend you’re just too afraid to say it.” Kyle is somehow offended and his tone is suddenly serious, Cassian focuses at his friend trying to decide what’s wrong with Kyle today but he only continues. “You two are not together but you happened to spend every free hour in each other company, you don’t care about each other but you race to the medbay every time she has as much as a scratch on her knee and the last time you were in the medbay I heard there was some crying involved, and yes there is absolutely nothing between you two except long glances and unfinished conversations.”

“Kyle where are you getting with this lecture?” Cassian finally asks because this talk is too serious to be taking place in the middle of a makeshift dancing area.

“Well I’m just voicing the facts that the whole base knows about,” Kyle informs him and drinks almost half of his glass at one gulp. “But apparently neither she nor you’re willing to act on these feelings and you both are suffering. And Cassian I warn you, there will come a day that some other guy just walks to her and tells her that she’s absolutely beautiful and smart and then it will be too late.”

“You think she’s beautiful.” Cassian demands confirmation, suddenly very interested in the opinion of Jyn’s appearance.

“And is this the only thing you heard from the lecture?” Kyle almost laugh at Cassian. “Yes, she’s, and smart and funny and apparently lonely since she’s spending all her free time with us not with some hot pilot who is hitting on her right now.”

“What?” Cassian eyes snaps in Jyn’s direction fast and Kyle only laugh short and hollow. There is no one flirting with Jyn right now, she’s busy talking with Bodhi. Cassian looks back at Kyle his eyes dark and angry, _it was cheap_ his look is saying but Kyle just doesn’t care.

“You’re so easy sometimes Cassian.” Kyle says with a smile but Cassian apparently doesn’t find it so amusing as Kyle.

“Kyle what do you want?” Cassian asks seriously waiting for answers.

“Make up your mind Cassian or someone else would do that faster and more direct than you and she will be lost.”

There is a long pause in which Cassian is trying to find words to express the emotions that are raging in his heart and head right now. The constant battle between his heart and his mind has just begun next round. Cassian’s lost count which round is it. 

“I don’t think I deserve her.” Cassian finally admits looking honestly at Kyle.

“Maybe you could just ask her that and then if she says no, which I doubt, you can drown in self-pity. But only after you ask her.” Kyle answers also seriously, then he grabs the bottle and pours himself a little more of that awful drink.

“Since when are you a relationship adviser?” Cassian finally asks his tone half amused and half angry. He isn’t totally convinced that he wants to talk his feelings with Kyle at this moment.

“Apparently since I met you two.” Kyle answers and starts to get up from the table.

“Where are you going?” Cassian asks him slightly alarmed, what if Kyle decides to go and do some advising session with Jyn now.

“To do some flirting, maybe I will be more lucky since you apparently want to sit this one out.” Kyle says with this mischief grin on his face and this always speaks trouble.

“Who says that?” Cassian asks but at the same time other voice cuts in.

“Who says what?” Jyn choses this time to walk to their table all smiling, her cheeks red from dancing.

“Nothing,” Kyle answers her flashing his flirtatious smile at her. “Cassian’s in a bad mood, but you just won a dance with me rebel girl so let’s go.” Kyle grabs her hand and pulls her to the so called dance floor. Jyn only looks questionably at Cassian, who tries to laugh at this but his jaw kind of stuck. He’s biting his teeth so hard that it painful. If he had a little more courage, was a little more reckless he would just get up steal Jyn form Kyle and…

_And what exactly?_ He thinks hard, a sort of panic arouse inside him when he finally has some answers.

_I want to be with her, and not just as a friend, and I definitely don’t want anyone to steal her from me…_ he decides to himself looking darkly at Kyle swirling Jyn around the dance floor. _I need more time, I need more courage and I can’t back away from any more chances… to tell her what I feel._

At the same time Kyle is looking at Cassian from the corner of his eye. _How much more pushing my friend do you need, if I happen to be pushing more I may actually fall as well_ , Kyle thinks darkly looking in sparkling green eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: THANK YOU, for all your support, comments and generally for reading and staying with me on this crazy journey. I have no idea why I needed to write ten chapters to set a scene for Rather be me but it somehow happened (and I blame mostly Kyle for that). I hope YOU will stay for more. Part two is Rather be me (and I can tell you a secret there will be part 3 soon, still debating with or without Kyle?).  
> And if you want to picture Kyle well (take Damon Salvatore charm, Dean Winchester wit and talent for trouble and Neal Caffrey skills and… wrap it in dark smoky eyes and dark ruffled hair and boom Kyle Sarettii)


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